Wednesday, November 2, 2011

short update/ anxiety stuff

I am sorry I didn't update sooner. I am fine, boobs and all. It turned out to be nothing. I hope I didn't make anybody worry.

I have been ok I guess. My anxiety has been sky high lately which is rough. It seems like I get hyper-sensitive to every physical sensation. Sounds, visual chaos (like too many things moving in my field of vision). Wind, hugs, brushing up against an object, pretty much anything, it all feels like an assault on my body and sends me into a panic. I can only tolerate the gentlest of hugs from my girls, and even then I have to mentally prepare myself.

When I had my ED it seemed like I lived completely in my head. I was always thinking about food, weight, calories, ect. It was almost like a state of constant disasociation from my physical self. I wonder if I used my ED in part to numb out physically and avoid all that anxiety and feelings of being "assaulted" by too much physical stimulus.

I am just confused about why I am this way. If I had been sexually abused, I could point to that and say "see, this is why". Why am I sent into a panic by little noises, sounds, movements, and sensations that most people dont even notice? Will it ever go away? Is there some treatment for this?

3 comments:

Midnitefyrfly said...

I am sorry you are going through this. I wish I had answers for you. My anxiety is sky high too. I am sensitive to noise and I have been having fears of things like: going outside, driving, being the only one home with the kids, taking my little one to school. It's weird and I dont understand it. I will be thinking of you and hoping your anxiety subsides. sending very soft and gentle (hugs) :)

Angela E. Gambrel said...

I feel bad that you still have to struggle with all of this. My anxiety is very high right now, too. The most simple things - going to class, grocery shopping, doing the bills, etc. - sometimes terrifies me and makes me so overwhelmed that I want to curl in a corner and just stay there until it all goes away. I wonder if it is the time of year that is effecting some of us...There are days I huddle in bed until the very last minute, afraid to face the day. That is very atypical for me!

I will be thinking and praying for you, and hope that this passes for all of us who are struggling write now!

Nobody Girl said...

im glad the call back was nothing! how scary!

do you think that it could be related to depression or something? i know that my sensitivity peaks when my mood is low. everything seems to suddenly feel like too much, whether its emotional or physical.

i hope things ease up a bit for you though. :/