I am sorry I didn't update sooner. I am fine, boobs and all. It turned out to be nothing. I hope I didn't make anybody worry.
I have been ok I guess. My anxiety has been sky high lately which is rough. It seems like I get hyper-sensitive to every physical sensation. Sounds, visual chaos (like too many things moving in my field of vision). Wind, hugs, brushing up against an object, pretty much anything, it all feels like an assault on my body and sends me into a panic. I can only tolerate the gentlest of hugs from my girls, and even then I have to mentally prepare myself.
When I had my ED it seemed like I lived completely in my head. I was always thinking about food, weight, calories, ect. It was almost like a state of constant disasociation from my physical self. I wonder if I used my ED in part to numb out physically and avoid all that anxiety and feelings of being "assaulted" by too much physical stimulus.
I am just confused about why I am this way. If I had been sexually abused, I could point to that and say "see, this is why". Why am I sent into a panic by little noises, sounds, movements, and sensations that most people dont even notice? Will it ever go away? Is there some treatment for this?
Judgement and Regrets
1 week ago