I AM SO STRESSED OUT! It's my evil ex. Zlatko the terrible strikes again. Well, heres the deal: he gets Emma every weekend, which is ok with me because she loves her dad and wants to see him. But when she comes home and i ask her how her weekend was, she only talks about things she did with her aunt and cousins, which makes me suspicious. Also, she usually comes home on sunday night at 8pm she is usually hungry and tells me she didnt have dinner! This happened last week. Well, up until now i have said nothing to him because i am kind of afraid of making him mad, but i haave had it. Emma told me last night that she is sad cause when she goes with her dad he just drops her off at his aunts house and leaves. She said she spends bolth friday and saturday nights there, and it makes her sad because she wants to be whith her dad. She said she had her aunt call him one time cause she wanted him to come pick her up, and he said he would come but he didnt. They had to call him a second time to get him to come. This made me sad for her and angry! I mean, i would like to be with her on the weekends. If hes not even going to spend time with her i might as well keep her home! So anyway, i called him and talked to him about it in a really kind, non-threatening way and he said thaat he would spend the time with her from now on. I also told him not to be mad at her for saying something. i hope he listens to me! Emma needs to be able to ask for what she needs without being afraid of getting in trouble.
So, that was the other day. TODAY i ran into Mirella, Zlatko's recently ex'd wife, at walmart. We got to talking about Zlatko, trading war stories and what-not, and she told me some things that i really did not want to hear. Like, that he WAS plotting to take custody from me last spring when i was in treatment. See, Margo, i wasnt just being paranoid! Mirella said that was his plan all along, and the only reason he didnt do it was because she put her foot down and wouldnt go along with it and he knew he wouldnt have a good chance in court if his wife wasnt on board. Mirella also thinks that that was the main reason her married her and brought her over from Bosnia, so he would have a wife at home to take care of emma so he could take custody. she also said that when emma was at their house, she was the one that took care of her and he was always at the bar or off with his friends. That makes sense to me now, that since mirella left him, now he just drops emma off at his aunts house. Oh- and mirella said that she heard that he is planning to go to to bosnia again to marry another woman and bring her back. Great. So now im worried that he is going to take me to court when we move to ames. AAARRRGH! Ok- as im writing this im listening to emma play with annie and sakina in her room. Annie hit sakina on accident and emma said " dont worry, sometimes when my dad hits me i get a red mark on my cheek but it goes away". SHIT SHIT SHIT! So i just called her out here and asked her if her dad hits her alot and she said not any more, which is consistent with what she told her therapist. But i dont even want it to be part of her vernacular. What a bastard! I hate him! I want him to GO GO GO AWAY! I have so much stress right now before all this stuff got brought up! Im feeling very sick to my stomach right now and have for most of the day, which isnt helping the eating situation. But i CANT GET SICK again cause now i know what zlatko would do! I feel like i cant crack or show ANY signs of weakness!
So, im going to try to be brave and talk to him about this tonight. Just say that when she is whith him i expect HIM to be the one taking care of her, tucking her in at night, being there when she wakes up, feeding her meals, not smoking around her, and im going to reiterate that he is NOT to hit her! So wish me luck.
Judgement and Regrets
1 week ago