Annies a fish...and I'm a failure...

hmm.... i was all excited about this blog at first but seemed to have burned myself out in the first week. Well, that and there hasnt really been anything to report. I watched an interesting show on monkeys the other day...that was fun. Went to AA today...that was smokey! Annie drew on the wall, and now i have to go get a Magic Eraser. Other than that, not much has been going on. Emma has been home sick from school all week, but that is kind of borring to write about. Mostly we just sit around at home cause it is too cold to take a sick little girl out. I did get to go out last night to take annie to mom-baby swimming, which wasnt so bad cause i was excited just to get out of the house. She is doing really good! When we first started going, she wouldnt put her head under the water and just clung tight to me like she was afraid. Now she puts her head under, and if i support her stomach with my hand she kicks her feet and moves her arms like shes doing strokes. I am so proud of her! Ok-so heres the bad: I weighed myself at the Y and i lost quite a bit. At first i thought the scale was broke, so i used the other one they had and it said the same thing. I have kind of been in denial and not weighing myself was a way for me to go on believing that im ok and everything is fine. I guess now i have evidence that things are not going so well. Its hard, though. i just dont want to deal with some of the things that are going on in my life and particularly my marriage. Its easier to focus on what i amm going to eat and not eat. Of course i know this is all bs but that is how i feel right now. What i really need to do is talk more to my therapist and possibly ask him if i can see him every week instead of evey other week. of course, than i would have to admit that i am not this super-recovery-superstar-perfect-patient that everone thinks i am. or at least i thik everyone thinks i am! Hmmm....what to do. More later...