Sunday, June 26, 2011

:/

To elaborate on the last post......

I am freaking depressed. I feel like a bad mom (and I dont want anyone to comment about what a great mom I supposedly am because you guys just see the good stuff on here). I don't have any friends here, in person, that I can relate to or talk to. I hate my body. I know I should probably be excercising but it is too much of an effort. EVERYTHING is too much of an effort. Even things that I usually enjoy are just no fun right now.....so why bother. All I really want to do is sit and watch TV and not talk to ANYBODY. If I could just sit in my room all day and watch tv that would be fine with me. By the way, I normally abhor the "plugged in" all the time lifestyle and I really try to limit how much the tv is on in our house. So, right now I am not setting a very good example for my girls. But I am not thinking about that at the moment. I am thinking about NOT thinking and just numbing out.
I dont have anything coming up with my T right now and I should schedule something but I just dont see the point. I'm freakin depressed, what else is there to talk about?

8 comments:

Missing In Sight said...

I'm a new reader to your blog, so I don't know much about you or what is going on. I know how hard it is to be a mom; it's NOT an easy job. And to add depression and mental health issues on to that makes life daunting.

It can get better, but it won't happen on the couch or isolating. I hope you can find the strength to call your T or to connect with someone on-line. It CAN get better.

Sensory Overload said...

Lisa, I've followed your blog kind of in the shadows for a bit. I have related with much of what you have shared.

Though you do not want anyone to post "what a great mom you are", I want to simply say this.

Even if YOU right now feel you are not setting the best example for your daughters (who are absolutely beautiful), showing them that you are REAL is an example worthy of praise. When one pretends and doesn't allow others' to see the truth, it can cause more harm I feel.

If right now you are experiencing depression that is consuming you to a place of suffocation; it is best to allow that to be than trying to hide it. This will only do you more harm in the long run. Your daughters will pick up on this.

I am so sorry that the depression is so consuming. It very much can get better even if right now it seems absolutely, dreadfully impossible. Sometimes we need to simply go through the processes we do to eventually understand what we must or want to do.

It's okay to gentle with you. Even if you do want to give permission for this; it truly is OKAY for you to take a break, check out, not be on, all of the time.

Do PLEASE consider talking with your therapist by scheduling an appointment. This very much could help at the least ease some of the intensity you are going through.

SENDING LOTS OF SUPPORT AND ENCOURAGEMENT TO YOU LISA. You deserve it.

Wtih light,

N

kris said...

I have to agree with the other poster who said that you are showing your daughters that you are real and that real people aren't always just happy-go-lucky all the time. I also happen to think that a bad mom wouldn't be worried about her girls when feeling depressed -- so you clearly aren't one. Nonetheless, I hope that you can start having some good days. Personally, I'm not a huge fan of sitting and watching too much TV either, but sometimes it's necessary to go easy on yourself and just veg out for a while. I also know what it's like to feel like you have no friends, or to not actually have any near where you live... but you have your family, so that's something. Maybe you can set aside a time to call a friend and catch up over the phone -- that always helps me feel better when I'm alone. Sending ((hugs)) your way!

I Hate to Weight said...

yeah, i agree that it's worth checking in with your therapist. it will give you a sense of what to do next -- allow yourself a little time to do nothing? get out a little bit? remember that you've gotten thru periods like this before and you will again?

the professionals usually know where to start.

the only thing i suggest - suspend judgment of yourself. i find that just sinks me deeper.

this isn't your fault. you're not maliciously planning to watch television. you're struggling and that NOT YOUR FAULT

take care, Lisa

Angela E. Lackey said...

Oh, I hope you feel better soon! Please go see your therapist. You deserve to feel better.

(And you are still a good mom!)

{{{Hugs}}}

Keely said...

Amen to the posting's above. I love you lisa. My depression makes me feel like a terrible person that's not worth anything. But just because I feel that, doesn't mean its true. just like you are not a bad mom. I think scheduling an appt is a great idea to help take off the edge. I know how hard it can be to just get out of bed, but getting up and getting OUT OF THE HOUSE really helps me. Maybe Chris can watch the kids for a bit or you could take a summer walk with them and get a popsicle. That's what I would do if I were there with you. :)

agoraphob said...

Awww, man. Feel better soon! Thinking of you.

Nobody Girl said...

Everybody has their days off. I don't think it makes you a bad mother just because you want to veg and watch TV. Not everybody is gogogo all the time. Actually, most people aren't.

As for therapy, I'm not sure how depressed you are and how you handle things behaviorally when in such a situation, but it might be good to check in with him or her so that someone knows if you are staying safe and to help you prevent further ongoing depression.

I hope you feel better soon!