A good friend let me know the other day that our parks and recreation has posted a "very cute" photo of Annie and I at the pool on the aquatic center's FB page. I wasnt sure how I felt about this, and after finding the picture and looking at it, I am still not sure. I think it bothers me. I am just trying to figure out if it bothers me enough to ask them to take it down.
I am a recover(ed?)(ing?) anorexic and bulimic and I have never had a very good body image. That plus the fact that I have gained a crapton MORE weight this winter, and it's a wonder that I go out in public AT ALL in my bathing suit! If I didn't have kids, I wouldn't.
I have a miraclesuit. No crap, it's really called a miraclesuit! It has all this technology and stuff to suck your stomach in. As far as swimsuits go, it is pretty decent. But, even with the miraclesuit, I would be hard pressed to let someone take a picture of me in it. And if I did, I would have to be posed perfectly to avoid an unflattering shot that would make me want to go cut off my stomach with garden shears. But even under the best of conditions, I might still delete the picture. And if I kept it, I would only share it with a select few people.
Come on, think about the last time you posted a pic on your blog (if you do). Tell me you didn't obsess over it, at least a little bit?
Oh, and another thing, I would NEVER let a stranger take my photo in a swimsuit!
Which brings to mind, I remember seeing the photographer. Annie and I were coming around the bend in the lazy river and I saw her focusing her lense in our direction. I immediately put my hands over my face in what I assumed was the universal sign for "take my picture and I'll punch you in the kidney!" but maybe she didn't quite get the message.
What resulted was a very akward photo of me with my hand up near my ear. But..........
Annie is also in the picture and she looks adorable! Something in me feels guilty about deleting a picture of her. I cant quite put my finger on it. Maybe it's the proud mama in me who is thrilled that they posted a picture of my litte cutie! She SHOULD be on the site; she's a cute kid having fun at the pool on a hot day.
Its late and I'm tired and I dont even know what I am talking about anymore. Bottom line is, shes a cute kid and I'm glad her pic is up there but I hate that I'm in it and I want my whole body taken out or at least photoshopped and I think it's a huge invasion of my privacy and its making me feel really insecure especially because at least two people I know have seen it and probably more and I want to call on Monday to ask them to take it down but now that people know about it I am afraid that they will think I am a bad sport or a weirdo or a bad mom.
If nobody had said anything I wouldnt even have known it is out there.
Judgement and Regrets
1 week ago