Sunday, July 4, 2010

update I guess

First of all, I have to say that blogger is being a turd. I have new blogs that I want to add to my blogroll, and I cant seem to figure out how to do that. I was looking for "customize" but it seems to have disappeared, or been replaced by something new that I haven't figured out yet. So if you have any tips, let me know.

Ok, now to whine on about my health. The costochondritis is still hurting like mad. I was taking naproxin around the clock, but it has stopped helping , so today I am experimenting on going without. I worry about the prescription NSAIDS combined with the Pristiq (they both can cause internal bleeds). My pharmacist said its ok for the short term, but I still worry.
I also have been having bouts of weakness/extreme fatigue, shaking, sweats, and nausea. Also I have been having night sweats, which is kind of gross. I have know idea what is going on here, but it is really freaking me out. I didn't go to church today because I was afraid I would be too weak to drive back. I am wondering if maybe I am more anemic than usual? We grilled hamburgers for dinner last night, and I am cooking a roast for tonight. Thank goodness things are going well with eating- who knows how I would handle all this if I was restricting or purging!

I just want to feel good, dammit! All the years of not taking care of myself and feeling weak and crappy....now I'm eating and still feel like crap! Grrr.

It has been raining here all day and I am secretly relieved that fireworks may be cancelled, because I don't like to be out late. I am such an old lady! I got Annie all dressed up in her raincoat and boots and we went out for a walk in the rain a little bit ago. She was very cute! Emma is at her dad's but she will be home tonight. I really want to feel better because I want to take the girls camping again! We had so much fun! I am sick of hearing myself say "not right now, mommy doesn't feel well...".

My therapist is still out....and I didn't get that appointment I mentioned after all...so I still don't see her until the 12th. Fortunately my depression has been ok. My biggest mental health concern right now is the anxiety over what is going on with me physically.

I had a dream last night that I was in ED treatment. I have those once in awhile. I think it was brought on by me worrying about people I know who are struggling. Whether it is someone I know from "real life" or online, I care deeply about everyone I have met who struggles with eating disorders because I feel like we share a common bond. I wish so much that there was something I could say to someone that could help them, or give them hope. I try to think of what helped me, but I can't pinpoint it to any one thing. I still don't know why some people get well and some people don't. There were certainly many years when I thought I never would. I still don't consider myself completely recovered, alot of the thought are still there, but symptoms-wise I seem to have kicked it. But even doing as well as I am, I still believe I could relapse. I still feel it in me.

I don't know, I guess I am rambling now. I just hope everyone has a nice 4th and keep on fighting, whatever your battle is, because you are worth it!

8 comments:

bananas said...

You are awesome, Lisa. :) I wish we could meet in person. Maybe someday!

I'm sorry you're feeling sick. That sucks. Well you have that awesome doctor -- maybe it's time to go back in. When did you last have labs done?

How do you like Prestiq as an antidepressant? How long have you been on it? One I've never tried!

Angela E. Gambrel Lackey said...

I hope you feel better soon. You're not going to relapse - we won't let you. :)

(I have been have a lot of dreams about being in IP or PHP lately too .... I wonder why?)

jodilynn said...

Have you had your blood sugar tested lately? Your symptoms sound like mine when I go hypoglycemic. I'm sooo proud of you for not giving into the thoughts and everything.

I have soooo many dreams about treatment...ugh, I hate it. Never want to go back. Although, I'm frequently threatened.

Lou Lou said...

i hope you get better lisa, this sounds like a tough time with health right now, about the wanting to help others, you are such a special loving and thoughtful soul. and do u know what the chinese say, incidental help is the best kind of help.
so by blogging away, and admitting the hard times, and pushing through your recovery, and just being authentic everyone is incidentally helped by your journey who reads your blog, they feel less alone, and have stronger wills to recover. your an amazing person, and i look up to u a lot. hang in there, things will get better

Tia said...

"keep on fighting, whatever your battle is, because you are worth it! "

love it. this line is so inspring. have a great day!

Dietcolagirl - TIA

群平群平 said...

成功多屬於那些很快做出決定,卻又不輕易變更的人。而失敗也經常屬於那些很難做出決定,卻又經常變更的人.................................................................

kris said...

I have the same deal with the shaking/weakness that just sets in all of a sudden. Numerous people have told me that it could be hypoglycemia -- but I haven't had my blood sugar tested, so I don't know for sure. I have a doctor appointment this week and am considering asking if they can do that if it keeps happening. I'll let you know if I find out anything useful, since your symptoms sound the same.

Anyway, I hope that you are feeling better! It's almost worse to be feeling bad around some type of holiday/event when everyone expects you to be happy and out having fun. We got some rain here in Chicago, just enough to not feel like going anywhere too far to see fireworks -- I hope that you wound up having a good time and didn't have to stay out super-late (I'm with you on that one!!).

~take care

Eating Alone said...

Hope you feel better soon! They did our fireworks in the rain, it was... interesting.