First of all, I have to say that blogger is being a turd. I have new blogs that I want to add to my blogroll, and I cant seem to figure out how to do that. I was looking for "customize" but it seems to have disappeared, or been replaced by something new that I haven't figured out yet. So if you have any tips, let me know.
Ok, now to whine on about my health. The costochondritis is still hurting like mad. I was taking naproxin around the clock, but it has stopped helping , so today I am experimenting on going without. I worry about the prescription NSAIDS combined with the Pristiq (they both can cause internal bleeds). My pharmacist said its ok for the short term, but I still worry.
I also have been having bouts of weakness/extreme fatigue, shaking, sweats, and nausea. Also I have been having night sweats, which is kind of gross. I have know idea what is going on here, but it is really freaking me out. I didn't go to church today because I was afraid I would be too weak to drive back. I am wondering if maybe I am more anemic than usual? We grilled hamburgers for dinner last night, and I am cooking a roast for tonight. Thank goodness things are going well with eating- who knows how I would handle all this if I was restricting or purging!
I just want to feel good, dammit! All the years of not taking care of myself and feeling weak and crappy....now I'm eating and still feel like crap! Grrr.
It has been raining here all day and I am secretly relieved that fireworks may be cancelled, because I don't like to be out late. I am such an old lady! I got Annie all dressed up in her raincoat and boots and we went out for a walk in the rain a little bit ago. She was very cute! Emma is at her dad's but she will be home tonight. I really want to feel better because I want to take the girls camping again! We had so much fun! I am sick of hearing myself say "not right now, mommy doesn't feel well...".
My therapist is still out....and I didn't get that appointment I mentioned after all...so I still don't see her until the 12th. Fortunately my depression has been ok. My biggest mental health concern right now is the anxiety over what is going on with me physically.
I had a dream last night that I was in ED treatment. I have those once in awhile. I think it was brought on by me worrying about people I know who are struggling. Whether it is someone I know from "real life" or online, I care deeply about everyone I have met who struggles with eating disorders because I feel like we share a common bond. I wish so much that there was something I could say to someone that could help them, or give them hope. I try to think of what helped me, but I can't pinpoint it to any one thing. I still don't know why some people get well and some people don't. There were certainly many years when I thought I never would. I still don't consider myself completely recovered, alot of the thought are still there, but symptoms-wise I seem to have kicked it. But even doing as well as I am, I still believe I could relapse. I still feel it in me.
I don't know, I guess I am rambling now. I just hope everyone has a nice 4th and keep on fighting, whatever your battle is, because you are worth it!
Judgement and Regrets
1 week ago