Thursday, January 6, 2011

things are...about the same


I don't know what to say. I want to post more often, but lately I feel like it is just the same old sh*t. My anxiety is still high. My depression is still bad. The meds don't seem to be working. I'm just barely dragging ass through the day.

After much internal debate I decided to go see Dr. Sean yesterday, for two reasons. Reason number one is I think my chloresteral may be high, so I wanted to get that checked. I didn't know I was supposed to fast for that, so the dr put the lab order in and I have to go do it tomorrow. I was supposed to do it today but I just didn't feel like it this morning.
The second reason is I suspect I have high mercury levels. I was reading this book called "Tired of Being Tired" and there was a chapter about environmental toxins and I was reading mercury poisoning sympoms and I have like all of them. I have alot of amalgum fillings in my teeth and that is where I think I might be at risk. So anyways, when I go in for the blood draw tomorrow I also get to pee in a cup so they can test it for heavy metals.

I know what you are thinking: Lisa this sounds like health anxiety. I know. I KNOW! But my mind keeps thinking, "what if?".

So related to that is something I am embarrassed about but I will write about it.

I went to the ER last night.

I have been having this feeling of pressure on my chest lately, like something is sitting on it. It kind of feels like when your chest is congested, like from a cold, but I dont have a cold. I called my doctor's office but Dr. Sean was gone for the day and the nurse said to go to the ER. I really didn't want to, seriously. But I kept thinking "what if I'm in heart failure?". So I went. They did an ekg, a chest x-ray, and monitored my heart and guess what......I'm fine. Now I feel like a huge dumbass, especially when my doctor gets the report of me being in the ER on the SAME DAY that I was in to see him.

So no, I don't really think that the Lexapro is having a noticeable effect on my health anxiety.

um, I guess that's about it for now.


The Bed Dog said...

i've had that feeling of pressure on the chest a lot. it stays for a while - few days, over a week - and then it slowly leaves. i've heard that it might be "air hunger" - caused by anxiety. it feels like something sitting on your chest so that no matter how hard you try, when you breathe deeply it feels like you can't take in enough air.
there are times when i have that, and then have chest pain, or painful breasts, or something like that, and i think my heart's about to explode.
i hope your meds start working better...

Verity Vaudeville said...

The anxiety is hard for sure. The psychosomatic feelings that manifest as physical symptoms can make you worry yourself rotten. Like that feeling in your head, like something winged fluttering and flapping about inside it. Or the shaking from time to time, or the harder beating of your heart.

It can make me angry sometimes because I'm still feeling like this, and other people can do what they like with no repercussions. Of course, I know it doesn't really work like that, but it certainly feels like it.

battleinmind said...

I'm sorry you are having such awful health anxiety :( I hope your meds work soon hun.

Also, I like reading your blog, and don't think it's the 'same old sh*t'


I Hate to Weight said...

it's better to check it out than to sit home and worry or risk that there is something going on. very responsible to go to the ER.

anxiety is horrible, horrible.

do you notice patterns -- when you're most anxious, etc.?

i'm thinking back to the summer when you were in crisis, survivor mode and you seemed less anxious, if i remember correctly.

hope you get some peace very soon!!!!

bananas said...

Besides anxiety, do you have any stomach issues, like acid reflux/heartburn? That can cause a lot of types of chest pain and anxiety can definitely make that worse.

Tia said...

aww... hope you feel better soon - i'm glad you went to the doctor - and glad u updated here! :) Dietcolagirl Tia