I kind of sucked at blogging in 2012. I didn't post a lot, mostly because I didn't have much to say. Or maybe I just didn't feel like writing about it. I miss blogging, though. I miss getting things out on the page, and I miss the connections to everyone I have met on here.
Well like I mentioned earlier I had a short hospitalization last october for my depression. Shortly after that, Dr. Steenblock (my psychiatrist) decided that he wasn't comfortable treating me from an hour away. He felt that he wasn't accessible enough when I was in a crisis and he thought it was just too risky. I get his point, but it still stung. I really trusted Dr. Steenblock and he is about the best psychiatrist I have seen in years. He was so knowledgeable about everything I struggle with, and he also seemed to really care, which is important to me. Now I am back to seeing Dr. Sean (my PCP) for my psych meds. I know Dr. Sean, and I like him, so I guess its ok.
I also had to find a new therapist because of an insurance problem. That was hard because I had been seeing Kim for 2+ years and had worked through so much with her. When I talked to her about how I felt about something she didn't have to ask me why I felt that way, she just knew, because she knew me so well.
I am seeing a therapist named Scott now and it is going ok. It's hard to start over with someone new, to go through the whole history and start from scratch. Plus, I started seeing Scott shortly after I got out of the hospital and was still quite depressed, so I felt like I wanted him to be "up to speed" fairly quickly. He was very accommodating and saw me twice a week for awhile, until I felt that we had established a good rapport and I was feeling better about things in general. I find that starting over with someone new actually has some benefits. Scott brings a fresh perspective on things. He has also challenged my thinking a bit more and while that is sometimes difficult for me I think that i need to be challenged in that way. I really liked Kim, but I think that therapy with her had gotten a bit too relaxed and I need to be pushed a bit.
Another things that has changed is that I cut back on my hours at work. I am only working about 20 hours a week now and no more 7 day stretches! I might go back to full time at some point but I don't see it happening any time soon.
Lastly, I am getting a ton of spam comments! Does anyone know how to stop getting those? I think that I have word verification enabled but if you do leave a comment and it doesn't give you one of those funky words to copy to prove you are not a robot, will you let me me know?
Judgement and Regrets
1 month ago