Monday, January 18, 2016

On a roll!

Hey y'all! I've had two more purge free days, if you count today. The day isn't over yet, but after a lot of tears and some Ativan I managed not to purge dinner, and I don't plan on eating anything else today. So yeah, I'm feeling pretty good about that!

The other side of this that I haven't really addressed is that I'm trying to lose weight. So before anyone freaks out on me, just hear me out. A lot has changed. I am now officially overweight, but just barely. I'm also waaaay outside my target weight range set up for me in treatment. This is due in part to me being very sedentary I my depressed states, and also the abilify, which made me want to eat everything that wasn't nailed down.
So....I'm trying to lose weight. Restricting, but in a healthy way? But this makes the fight against purging that much harder. Tonight as I paced in the hallway outside my bathroom with my dinner in my stomach the urge was so strong....just knowing I could lose weight that much faster if I got rid of it. But I don't want to do that. I want to be healthy. It was a struggle, but I came out on top. I want to lose weight and get healthy, not crash and burn and wreck my body.
Today I sat with the full feelings and did not purge. Today was a victory :)

4 comments:

E said...

Forget the bullshit range they gave you from treatment. I can't express that enough. Don't make that your goal.

Zena said...

How did it go with the dietician?

Zena said...

How did it go with the dietician?

ghost girl said...

Remember to focus on the healthy and not the number! It's hard to remember, but the number isn't that important. Your actual health is. Take care!