Hey y'all! I've had two more purge free days, if you count today. The day isn't over yet, but after a lot of tears and some Ativan I managed not to purge dinner, and I don't plan on eating anything else today. So yeah, I'm feeling pretty good about that!
The other side of this that I haven't really addressed is that I'm trying to lose weight. So before anyone freaks out on me, just hear me out. A lot has changed. I am now officially overweight, but just barely. I'm also waaaay outside my target weight range set up for me in treatment. This is due in part to me being very sedentary I my depressed states, and also the abilify, which made me want to eat everything that wasn't nailed down.
So....I'm trying to lose weight. Restricting, but in a healthy way? But this makes the fight against purging that much harder. Tonight as I paced in the hallway outside my bathroom with my dinner in my stomach the urge was so strong....just knowing I could lose weight that much faster if I got rid of it. But I don't want to do that. I want to be healthy. It was a struggle, but I came out on top. I want to lose weight and get healthy, not crash and burn and wreck my body.
Today I sat with the full feelings and did not purge. Today was a victory :)
Judgement and Regrets
1 week ago