Wednesday, March 2, 2011

just a quick post

Hey. I just wanted to say thank you for the support on my last post. I am doing better.

When I get upset my emotions get REALLY intense. It's like I can go from 0 to 100 in an instant. It is uncomfortable to be in such emotional distress, but I think that I have made progress, because I can tolerate it without acting on any of the self-harm urges or doing anything else crazy or impulsive.

I haven't had alot of time to read or comment on blogs the past few days because of some stuff going on at home. Emma, my 9 year old, is really struggling with anxiety and depression and I have been worrying about her and trying to focus more on her (and our family in general). Not that I am neglecting myself. I know I have to take care of myself so I can be healthy and take care of my family. I am just trying to find a balance.

For example, I have decided to start driving Emma to school instead of having her take the bus. This way she can get a few minutes more sleep and hopefully have a more relaxed start to her day. But it also means that I actually have to get up and function in the morning, which means I have to try to go to bed earlier at night. This is hard for me, because night time is my "me time", when I usually check blogs and stuff. I could still do this as soon as the kids went to bed, but that would mean that I would be totally neglecting my husband. Sigh. It seems like everyone wants a piece of me! It's so hard for me to carve out a little time for myself.....

I am thinking about going back to weekly therapy. I had cut back to every other week, but things have been kind of stressful. Besides my depression and anxiety, I am having trouble with my marriage and worrying about Emma. I think I need at LEAST an hour a week to deal with all of this.

Sorry I am so whiny right now. I am just SO GRUMPY! Getting up early makes me grumpy.

p.s. sorry about the swear in the previous post. I was just going throught some really intense emotions. I know that not many people are offended by swearing these days, but if you were, I apologise.


battleinmind said...

You're not being whiny!

I read your previous post, and I think this post just shows what an amazing mum you are. You give up your morning to help your daughter feel more relaxed, that's so lovely.

I really hope your daughter starts to feel better soon.


Haley said...

You're a great mom who loves her children so much. That's all anyone can ask for. Don't doubt it :)
<3 Haley

Sairs said...

I didn't find your post whiny either. I am a morning person, so I can't fathom staying up late. My husband is also a morning person, we go well together. I woke up late today at 6am, I usually get up at 5am sometimes earlier. Just because I natrually wake up then or when I feel Andy has got up. I seem to waken when he is not in the room. Wierd. Sorry, this was meant to be about you and I made it about me. I hope you are feeling better soon.

bananas said...

I'm sorry to hear about Emma. I'm pretty sure I had depression and anxiety at the age of 9, but my parents were clueless so nothing was done. The fact that you are so aware of how she's feeling and what she's really go through tells me that you are an excellent parent.

I think weekly therapy is a good idea. Do it! :)

kristin said...

You are not being whiny at all. You have a lot going on in your life and it's okay to be upset or emotional. And seriously you are such a strong person and such an amazing mother.

Hang in there!

kris said...

I'm sorry to hear about Emma too. I think that at her age, a little extra sleep might make all the difference. I hope so, anyway. This time of year is also tough since it's cold out and, here at least, rather gloomy a lot of the time.

I think that your idea about therapy once a week is good too -- you do so much for your family that you need to be able to take a little time for yourself.

And, lastly, you weren't whiney at all!!!

Take care ((hugs))

Angela said...

I'm sorry things are so tough, and I apologize for not posting sooner but I wasn't up to it.

You are a wonderful mom!!! And an incredible person!!!

Don't forget it. :)



Jen said...

Lisa, your so passionate when writing sometimes and your a stellar mum! We have to maintain in our recovery and face our fears. This is the only methodology I can apply to my steps in the effort to be responsible with my control issues. Just the other day you were talking about your daughter inquiring about her..of all things her waist line and weight.

Read over this as I feel it is a segue tween rest, recovery mental wellness and the overarching issue of childhood nutrition.