yesterdays therapy was not as bad as i had anticipated. We talked about some uncomfortalble things for a few minutes, and then switched over to talking about my eating disorder, wich is a safe topic for me and pretty much took up the rest of the hour. Dont get me wrong- it was a productive session. Corey is pretty concerned about things and really wants me to get the purging under control (we all do). We decided to revisit the idea of having me drink liquid supplements as the base of my meal plan until the purging is under control, then start back with "real" food when i am comfortable. I am ready to give it another shot but my major concern is mealtimes with the kids- how is that going to be for them when mommy's not eating what everybody else is eating. Im so scared about passing on weird food habits to them. Corey said that he would rather have me do this for now if it helps me get healthy in the long run, then to do what i have been doing and stay sick. He said if Emma asks just say "This is what mommy needs to eat to be healthy" or something simple like that. Something about health, not weight.
Sometimes i wonder if one of the reasons i like corey as a therapist so much is that he is kind of concerned (obsessed) with weight and eating healthy himself. He used to be a body builder in his 20's. I saw him today and all we talked about was food and weight stuff. Most of it was productive, but some of it wasnt. For instance, he told me that all he eats all day is one Naked juice drink (the protien kind) and then he has a light dinner in the evening. But if he is "reducing", he has another Naked juice instead of dinner. Thats just two Naked juices all day! Maybe its just me, but that doesnt seem like alot. And he still wants me to work out while i am on the liquid diet, even if i am taking in less than 1000 cals a day. He said if i started losing weight i could add more fruits and vegetables. I guess i dont get specific about where i am weight- wise on this blog kind of on purpose. I will say right now that i am getting close to my pre-treatment weight. im only sharring this so you can understand why i am kkind of alarmed at his cavalier attitude regarding combining the liquid diet and encouraging me to work out. Part of me is thinking "he says its ok-go for it!" but i know that is illness talking.
Judgement and Regrets
1 week ago