Sunday, December 19, 2010

And the beat goes on....

I saw my psychiatrist on friday and may I just say again that he is awesome!!!! I am so glad to have found him. It has been about 10 year since I had a psychdoc that I felt really cared about me, really listened, and to whom I wasn't just a number or a 15 minute time slot to check off. We talked about my anxiety and depression, and he increased my Lexapro and buspar. We talked about my little slip with googling "night sweats". He said he wanted to talk to Dr. Sean (my primary care doc who used to prescribe my psych meds) and see if he would be willing to see me for a monthly appointment, just to discuss my health concerns and symptoms and reassure me. He said that that seems to really help patients with health anxiety and cuts down on visits to urgent care or the ER. I guess that would be ok, except that I would feel kind of dumb. And I also worry that if something "real" was wrong with me, Dr. Sean would just chalk it up to my anxiety.

Oh, and when my psychdoc was talking about setting up this plan for monthly appointments with my doctor, he kept referring to it as my "monthly visit". Ewww. Every time he said "monthly visit" I kept cringing internally. I was nearly ready to say "ok I'll do it but please call it something else" but I chickened out and just let it go.

When the appointment was over and I was leaving I was at the end of the hallway and almost to the corner when the doctor came out of his office and chased after me. "Oh Lisa", he said, beckoning to me. I turned around and he said quietly "Stay off the 'net!". Too funny.

I haven't been feeling too well lately, which has been causing more health anxiety. I am super bloated and feel really full all the time and have no appetite. Even food smells are making me feel sick. It kind of reminds me of being pregnant (but I am NOT pregnant). Of course this would be a good time for the ED to get back in control but even when I dont feel like it I make myself eat. Which is not fun, and usually ends up making me feel worse. Oh well, what are ya gonna do...

Well, there is not alot else going on. Here are a few pictures.....

This one is something Annie made. I think it is a paper hand taped over her real hand. She was feeling either really creative or really bored.

Here is Annie on Santa's lap.

Here is Emma dressed up in a funky outfit for a school party. You cant really tell in this picture, but I put red hair gel in her hair.

I love these girls. They keep me going.....


flaweddesign said...

the 'monthly visit' cracked me up. that would annoy me too. lol your girls are so sweet. :) i'm sorry you're physically struggling with eating, that makes everythign harder. keep fighting. and thanks for the sweet comments you leave me. (by the way, the word i have to type to send this comment and prove i'm not a robot starts with PREGasif....eeehhhh??)

flaweddesign said...

i just realized the rest of that word was 'as if'. LOL you're safe. :P

Lisa said...

I'm glad you found a psych you like finally!!! I'm still looking for one since I had to leave the one I LOVED. Keep fighting, you can do this! :)


Ruth said...

You are so lucky to have two such beautiful and creative daughters. I'm going to see Dr. St. (Doctor Saint?) on March 4 for the first time and now my expectations are really high! Please post something negative about him so I won't be disappointed! (There goes my distorted thinking again.)

I Hate to Weight said...

isn't it wonderful to have a caring doctor? it makes all the difference.

hang in there. i always tell myself, "this too shall pass" and so far, it always does.

i always find it remarkable that you are able to be such an excellent and creative mother, through everything. WOW!

Angela E. Gambrel Lackey said...

I'm so glad you found someone you could talk to and who is giving you good advice (i.e. stay off the 'net). I think this guy will really help you with your health-related anxiety. He's right - the Internet is so filled with misinformation and scary things, I try hard not to look at any sites except WebMD when I had my two blackouts and wanted to know the symptoms of concussion.

Keep eating! Think about how much better you have been doing, plus you are so inspiring to me!!!

"Monthly visit" - Too funny, If only men knew . . .


expwoman said...

I have health anxiety ocd, and I thought more frequent visits to my doctor would make me feel better, but I felt worse, because no amount of reassurance answered every question or sensation or "what if"--and actually fed the anxiety by keeping me on high alert. Seeing an Exposure therapist for my ocd has helped a lot--he helped me write scripts where I record my feared health consequences and listened to them until I got used to them and my anxiety came down.

battleinmind said...

'monthly visit'...I just cringed...eeeshk.
I am sooo pleased you have a great psychiatrist.
Your girls are too cute!
Hope you feel better soon.

kris said...

glad to hear you found a good psych -- that is a near-impossible task it seems.

I kind of cracked up at the 'monthly vist' because that's how my husband always would refer to periods. (Although I hate that term when used for any meaning.)

I guess if that's his only bad quality that's a good thing though!!

And, as always, your girls are soo cute :)

agoraphob said...

glad you found a great psych. I would be lost without mine. Your kids are super cute!

monthly I have had to tell a good friend of mine to quit googling symptoms. She has a lot of health anxiety as well. This is ONE thing I dont struggle with, but I hope it gets better for you soon.

On your comment about how you couldnt fly home, I had the same thing happen to me. I flew to Mississippi, had a huge panic attack on the plane and had to drive from Mississippi back to UTah. IT sucked. I hope we can both fly soon.

Have a great christmas!