Thursday, December 2, 2010

big huge update with picures and everything

So I was sitting down the other day to write a post about my Thanksgiving and stuff and my computer crapped out. I guess it had some gnarly virus. I just got it back from Geek Squad today ($160). Awesome.
So anyways, here is an update on my life. I guess I will start with Thanksgiving. This was my first Thanksgiving in years that I not only didn't have any eating disorder behaviors, but it wasn't even a struggle. There have been a few Thanksgivings that I didn't purge, but I always got really upset and anxious about the food. Not this year though. I ate, well, normally. It was really nice to just eat and visit and not be off in ED lala land in my head.
I still get uncomfortable about some things, though. I feel weird if I have to go to the bathroom shortly after eating because I wonder if people think I am purging. But I have decided that people can think what they want. I gotta pee, you know?

Speak of bathroom matters, I ran into a bit of a bind last week (bind haha). I didn't take my miralax regularly while I was out of town, and that combined with all the food cause me some problems. I ended up in the urgent care last night feeling really sick and after examining me and poking on my tummy the doctor concluded that I was really constipated. She told me to go drink a bottle of magnisium citrate to get cleaned out. I nearly broke into tears. The thought of taking the mag citrate terrified me. With my hypochondriasis, I know that drinking a bottle of that stuff could result in cramping, weakness, shakiness, ect, which in turn might make me panic and think I was in heart failure/having a stroke/bleeding internally/whatever. I was worried I would be up all night freaking out, or worse, in the ER feeling irritating the doctors and feeling stupid. I just didnt want to go through all that. The doctor told me that mag citrate was totally safe. I mean, they give it to children, the elderly, people with all kinds of medical problems. And I know she wouldnt tell me to take it if it could hurt me. Doctors dont want to get sued, right? I just feel so tired of this.
SO I went to the pharmacy, where I interrigated the pharmacist for about a half hour (fortunately she wasn't busy). I didnt even try to act normal. I asked her "what if I have an intestinal blockage? Would this stuff kill me then? NO I dont have a blockage but what if I did and didn't know it? What if I were bleeding internally? Well, could this CAUSE me to bleed internally?" and so on and so forth. I pretty much covered all my bases.
In the end I came home and drank the stuff and spent all night crapping my guts out and didn't panic and nothing bad happened. So all of that was over nothing. Just think of what I could accomplish if I didn't make up all this trouble for myself. Geez....

Anyways, with everything cleared out, my stomach looked pretty flat this morning. It was scary how much I liked that feeling. The feeling of my body clearing out, my stomach flat and empty. It only lasted for a few minutes, though. Then I was like "hey, wake up, kid! How do you think your intestines got so messed up anyways?". Seriously, I haven't abused laxatives in nearly ten years, and my body still hasnt recovered. No way am I going to start down that road again.

Oh, and when I finally did get to sleep last night, Annie woke up with the croup. I hate the croup. It sounds like your child can't breathe. It's scary. I took her to the doctor today and he gave her a shot of steroids to help open up her airways. SO I am praying tonight goes ok.

There is STILL no snow here! Boo! But I put up my Christmas stuff and am trying to get in the spirit. See below, a sideways photo of my tree....
And here are the stockings. We don't have a mantle to hang them on but the bookcase works.
This picture didn't turn out that great but I put together this garland with lights and (fake) cranberries and it is really pretty.
Oh and our table centerpiece. Believe it or not, I went from Hobby Lobby to salvation army to Target to Walmart back to Hobby Lobby to figure this thing out. My three criteria were: it had to be cheap, it had to match our decor, and it had to incorperate fruit. SO, the cloth thingy is a placemat from Walmart ($2), the dish was $7 at Walmart, ant the picks were about $1.75 total. Plus the fresh fruit. I think it worked out well.

See, how could I ever have a job or go to school? It would leave me no time to drive all over town obsessing over fruity centerpieces.
Here is a lovely picture of my husband cutting the cheese.

Annie, helping my mom cook.

Awww crap, I posted the fuzzy one.....
Here is a dance party I had with the girls a few Sundays ago, a result of Sunday afternoon boredom. We got dressed up in our funkiest stuff (yes, I am wearing Victoria's Secret lingerie over a tanktop) and busted a move. I decided what we need is a rotating color-light disco ball, so I am getting the girls one for Christmas.
I introduced them to the "GO" soundtrack, well, parts off it. It made me feel kind of old.
Emma, fast asleep.... ....and little Annie bug.

And here they are playing covered wagon with their bunk beds.

This is my blog! If you want to read it, you have to see pictures of my kids!
Just kidding......kind of.....
Sorry I have sucked at commenting (out of town, broke computer). I will try to get back on track.


kristin said...

I'm glad your computer is working again! Yay!

Welcome back!

I love the cute photos. The girls are precious! :)

flaweddesign said...

ahhh!! i love it! your house looks lovely and your family is beautiful!! i'm proud of you for taking tha mag citrate and still being resolved to stay off of laxatives, i know it would be triggering for me. i must also brag that after nearly a week with not 'action' in hospital, i took a crap this morning. YAY. good things come to those who wait? no stimulants, no nothing, just food in my system going through. scares me a lot but i feel better in my tummy now.

anyway....ew, enough about that. i lov ereading your blog and seeing pics of your kids. they're darlings!!!!!


battleinmind said...

Ohhh lovely update hun! What a brilliant achievement to have done so well at Thanksgiving. I love seeing your pictures by the way :) I'm so nosy lol.


Angela E. Gambrel Lackey said...

I'm so proud of you! You are such an inspiration. I'm glad you are firm about staying away from the laxatives; I have abused them for years and finally stopped this summer and my body is finally healing itself.

The pictures are great; your family is lovely. :)



bananas said...

I love your blog.

I love the pictures.

You have a knack for decorating. Did you know that? I love the centerpiece and your tree is beautiful!

Glad you pooped. :)

Keely said...

Yay for a good thanksgiving! Remember when we had thanksgiving together at Chris's Aunt's house and both had struggles and went for a walk? We have both come far. :)

The covered wagon pic is AWESOME! I also love the dancing pic. You are such a cool mom. And your decorating skills are uncanny. :)

Miss you! It is so snowy and cold in salt lake-I'll give you some of our weather. :)

I Hate to Weight said...

CONGRATULATIONS! what progress. it makes me so happy. isn't it the greatest miracle to be able to just eat a meal. and a thanksgiving meal, no less. woo hoo!!!!

ahhh, i'm so jealous. i don't think my system will ever recover. enough said.

you're terrific, lisa == you have such strength and honesty.

it goes without saying that you have a gorgeous family and you all clearly love each other.

i so admire you

Lisa said...

Hey! I just found your blog by flaweddesign! You house is beautiful and it's nice to see that you have such a great functional family. Your kids are so adorable.

could you email me your email address, at so that I can add you to my list ( my blog is private bc my parents found it.. ) . I would love to stay in contact!!


Jen Daisybee said...

Hi - I'm so glad for you that you got through Thanksgiving without any problems. I know how hard this time of year was for me when my ED was active. It was a rough period every year. It's so nice that you are doing well enough now that you can enjoy the holidays and your family and not be caught up in self-destructive behaviors. I think you're kids are adorable, as a few other people already mentioned. They are lucky to have a mom who likes to have fun and dance around with them!