Tuesday, November 23, 2010

doing better

hmm I guess it's time for an update. The really really good news first.............................................................................................................................................................................................................
....................................................................................................................................................................................
....I have a psychiatrist!!!!! And he's NICE! And he listens!! And he didn't just tell me to go excercise!!!

I had my first appointment with him last Friday. We talked for a long time, mostly about my anxiety. He thinks I should be on an SSRI (Pristiq is an SNRI), so he asked me to go back on Lexapro. I started to cry, because I was scared. Remember, a few months ago Dr. Sean had me go on Lexapro and I thought I had seratonin syndrome from taking too many meds together? I just started worrying that this would happen again. I told the new doctor this and he talked with me about seratonin syndrome and how rare it is and how even the meds I am on would not cause it. He said if I started to worry or feel weird I could call his nurse, and he introduced me to her before I left so she would know who I was. So anyways, I have been taking the Lexapro since friday and already I feel better. I feel hopeful. BTW my new dr's name is Steenblock but I will just call him Dr. S.

I have dental work looming this afternoon. Last night I had two nightmares about it. Well, a nightmare within a nightmare. Like in the movie inception. I dream like that alot. Like, I will have a dream, and "wake up" into another dream. It's funky. Anyways, I am really dreading my dental appointment. I hope this new dentist is nice. I hope I dont have a panic attack and end up bawling my eyes out in front of everyone. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Ed-wise things are ok. A few weeks ago I was feeling really great about my recovery and was even going to write a huge post about it, full of hope and insight and wisdom blah blah blah. Then I ran into a rough patch with my anxiety and for some reason it triggered alot of ED thoughts. Not behaviors, just thoughts about restricting and losing weight. And it made me wonder, am I really as recovered as I thought I was? I guess the fact that I didnt do any restricting or purging says something. But it seems that sometimes when I am struggling with other things in my life, the ED thoughts pop up like an old security blanket. Just when I thought they were gone, there they are. I guess that's probably normal though. I mean, it was my way of coping for years. I still feel good about where I am in my recovery, but some of the "rah rah go fight win" has been sucked out of me. And that's ok. I'll get it back.

XOLisa

9 comments:

Eating Alone said...

Glad you like the new doc. Let them worry about the meds just make sure that ALL of those who prescribe know what your on and ask the pharmicist that fills them to check the interactions.

Oh and good luck with the dentist. Mine is great but I hate the noises.

I Hate to Weight said...

GOOD LUCK at the dentist. i've put off some serious dental work because of insurance. but now i have insurance and no excuses. i feel your pain. and will feel it even more in the near future! i'll be thinking of you.

i'm so glad you have a good psychiatrist. if i were you, i'd listen to him and trust him to be the expert and relax into being on lexapro. i am, and it works for me. especially now that i'm not drinking.

i think your process is really normal. recovery has peaks and valleys and everything in between. enjoy the good times, know the tough times will pass (this is the hard one) and, yeah, it's really normal for the thoughts to kick in during the tough times. i know people who haven't smoked in 35 years and they still go to reach for a cigarette when under duress.

THE GREAT THING IS THAT YOU DIDNT ENGAGE IN THE BEHAVIORS. THAT'S THE PROGRESS. AND THAT'S WHAT WE WANT.

great work, lisa.

flaweddesign said...

congrats on getting through the time of increased ED thoughts and not acting on them!!! that takes a lot of strength. very proud of you.

good luck at the dentist!!! thinking of you.

battleinmind said...

Great news about the psychiatrist!! Sounds like he's really reassuring. GOOOOOODD luck at the dentist!
I was in a rah rah fight ED mood last week, then I swapped, I'm sure my mood will change again soon lol!
Great to read how you're doing xx

THE CREATION OF A BEAUTIFUL LIFE said...

I completely understand... Just when I think I am "cured" the eating disorder strikes with a vengence! DAMN ED! Hang in there! Happy Thanksgiving!

bananas said...

Good psychiatrists are a rare find! I'm glad you got one & are already starting to feel better!

bananas said...

By the way, why not look into sedation dentistry? That's what I'm going to do. Otherwise I just can't deal with it.

The Hope Well said...

Loving the moment in time is everything. We all have our wondering worries, we must learn to not let those times of anxiety control us. We are in control.You are a gift from God and all you have to do is ask him to help you and he will.

The Hope Well said...

The day brings us hope for tomorrow, therefore cherish what we have, and not worry about what we do not. I once complained about my feet,until I met a person with no legs. I was complained about my hand,until I met a person with no arm. life is sweet and gentle. It brings forth both challenges and victories. One without the other is boring. Ask God and he will help you, I promise.