had to share this

Yesterday I went to Des Moines to the Jordan Creek mall to meet my friend Jodi. Jodi is someone I met through FB/blogging and I was really excited to meet her in person. We had lunch and sat and talked for awhile and it was really nice. We both have had alot of the same experiences in the mental healthcare system in Iowa and we talked alot and compared the good, bad, and ugly. And the funny.

Unfortunately, Jodi has done some time in the Univ. of Ia Hospitals ED program. You know, the place I refer to as "evil hell". So yesterday, we were telling eachother our stories of treatment there and talking about the staff who were mean to us and she brought up Shirley and she asked me "did Shirley ever accuse you of 'bowel hoarding'?".

Ok, so before I go any further, here is the disclaimer. You know I try not to dwell on specific ED behaviors alot on this blog, in case there are any pro ana's out there trolling for "tips and tricks". But seriously, if reading what I am about to discuss inspires you to try this "trick", you need help and I am not responsible. Ok, back to "bowel hoarding" (trying to type this with a straight face).

I had never, in all my days of treatment, heard of bowel hoarding until Jodi told me about it yesterday. Apparently, at UIHC, if you are really constipated, you risk being accused of holding in your poop to boost your weight, and this is what they refer to as "bowel hoarding". This is what my friend Jodi was accused of.
When she told me this I burst out laughing. We both had a good cackle over it. That's the thing about these situations. They are fun to laugh about now, but at the time Jodi was going through it, it must have been frustrating and infuriating. It sucks to be locked up in a place where everything you do (or don't do) is viewed as some type of lie or manipulation. But seriously, bowel hoarding? Maybe someone would do this, but it really sounds to me like one more thing the good folks at the UIHC made up to accuse the poor patients of.

Here's a shout out to Jodi, for surviving that place, and for giving me something to laugh about yesterday.

update

sorry its been awhile since ive posted. I have been in this really bad deppression and havent felt like doing much. I got some lorazepam and am feeling a little more relaxed and functionable today. i saw my psychDoc last night and he made me really nervous cause he kept talking about wanting to hospitalise me. I definately do not want to be in the hospital, im a big advocate for being treated in the least restrictive setting possible. plus, last time i was hospitalised for deppression, the hospital doc had me committed and i almost ended up in a crappy group home! I have a husband and 2 kids! I dont need that! Then, my last hospital based ED treatment program that i was in last spring sucked royally- it was a really bad experience. So lets just say that when my doc started talking about hospitalizing me, i started mentally plotting my escape from the room ( bolt for the door suddenly, keeping the coffee table between me and the doc). Fortunately it didnt come to that. Hes putting me on Pristiq, this brand new anti deppressent, and also gave me some lorazepam. we talked about shock treatments again, but hhe is hesitant to do them if i am purging everyday. The ect's themselves are not that dangerous, but you have to go under anesthesia wich carries some risks of its own which can be compoounded by the physical complications of an eating disorder. I talked to my therapist today and while i am not willing to gain (restore) any weight at this point we came up with some strategies that would help me maintain my weight and eat small amounts throughout the day without purging. I really need to quit purging cause it is effecting how my meds get absorbed(if they even do). So i will be working on it and hopefully the next post will include some good news. Take care!