sorry its been awhile since ive posted. I have been in this really bad deppression and havent felt like doing much. I got some lorazepam and am feeling a little more relaxed and functionable today. i saw my psychDoc last night and he made me really nervous cause he kept talking about wanting to hospitalise me. I definately do not want to be in the hospital, im a big advocate for being treated in the least restrictive setting possible. plus, last time i was hospitalised for deppression, the hospital doc had me committed and i almost ended up in a crappy group home! I have a husband and 2 kids! I dont need that! Then, my last hospital based ED treatment program that i was in last spring sucked royally- it was a really bad experience. So lets just say that when my doc started talking about hospitalizing me, i started mentally plotting my escape from the room ( bolt for the door suddenly, keeping the coffee table between me and the doc). Fortunately it didnt come to that. Hes putting me on Pristiq, this brand new anti deppressent, and also gave me some lorazepam. we talked about shock treatments again, but hhe is hesitant to do them if i am purging everyday. The ect's themselves are not that dangerous, but you have to go under anesthesia wich carries some risks of its own which can be compoounded by the physical complications of an eating disorder. I talked to my therapist today and while i am not willing to gain (restore) any weight at this point we came up with some strategies that would help me maintain my weight and eat small amounts throughout the day without purging. I really need to quit purging cause it is effecting how my meds get absorbed(if they even do). So i will be working on it and hopefully the next post will include some good news. Take care!
I'm turning 31 next week but somedays I feel like I'm 14, other days it seems like I'm 80. I'm married to Chris, and have two wonderfull girls. Emma is 8, and Anne is 3. I have been fighting anorexia and bulimia for 19 years. I also struggle with treatment-resistant depression.
Each day is a fight, to make it through the day, to be a good mom and wife, to love myself. This blog makes it a little easier