Sunday, February 1, 2009

anxiety strikes again!

I worked in the nursery at church today and all i have to say is WOW! The kids were on one today! There was screaming and crying and boogers and spit out crackers and other assorted nasties, sometimes co-occurring! I got realy overwehlmed at one point and had to step out, which made me feel like a total loser. But it was better than having a full-blown panic attack in front of the kids. On the plus side, Annies potty training went quite well today. She stayed dry all through church, mainly because taking her to the potty was a legit excuse for me to leave nursery! Anne is really proud of herself for keeping her "big girl undies" dry. They are really Dora pull-ups, but to her they are undies.
Im really missing Emma right now; she is at her dads. He got back from Bosnia last night. He came back early, and im really paranoid that he heard about my hospitalisation and came back to sue me for custody. I guess there is nothing i can do about it so i should stop worrying about it. It was just so nice when he was gone cause it was like he didnt exist, i didnt have to deal with him or talk to him, and i got to have Emma every weekend. But she missed him. I have to remember that nomatter how I feel about him, Emma loves her dad and needs him in her life. Thats just the way it is. All my fantasies to the contrary, she would be devastated if something happened to him. So i just have to learn to live with Zlatko as a part of my life.

1 comment:

Kara said...

Being in the nursery would cause me panic as well. I absolutely DON'T think it was lame of you to step out every once and a while.

I didn't know that you were divorced - I'm so sorry, that sounds like a really yucky situation. Remember that whatever happens you are Emma's mom and you are a great mom no matter what anybody says.