ok, so today was the best day i had in a really really really long time. For one thing, i didnt binge or purge which is a huge accomplishment for me! It almost didnt turn out that way, though. I started the day with a meal plan and a schedule of activities to keep me busy, but almost blew it when i stopped at the flying j for a pop. I guess it was morbid curiosity, or just force of habit, but for some reason i checked out the donut case to see what they had and there were my favorites: fritters. Maybe i'm a southern girl and don't know it, cause i loves me some fritters! Aarrgh, why did i look! I stood there, rooted to the spot, half of my brain planning a binge, the other half screaming in despair "no no you werent going to do this today!". Just thinking about giving in brought feelings of deep relief, as it is so hard for me to fight the urges. And lets face it, bingeing is what i know. Its weird for me to not binge. But somehow i forced myself away from those fritters. Grabbed my soda and ran for it. You know when its pouring rain and you make a mad dash for your car with your eyes practically closed? Thats what it felt like. As i started up the ignition my whole body was literally shaking.
So then i went to Joker's, which is this scratch and dent grocery store i check out from tome to time, where i got a smokin deal on some Boost smoothies. $2.00 for a case of six. Oh, and about a half dozen packs of Mad Croc energy gum. Cause i really need some more caffiene in my life.
Later i went to Roots Market, which is this health food store in Cedar Falls. Cedar Falls is a college town adjacent to Waterloo(craphole where i live). When i pulled into my parking space i noticed that the siding on the building was still cracked from where i had hit it with my car the last time i was there. Fortunately they did not remember me. Anyway, i got this really good blend of loose herbal tea called "relaxation" something, and i got some german chamomille to make tea with, and also some lavendar. I loooove lavender for making tea, it is so soothing!
Then i took Emma to a therapy appt, then to the store to get her a new piggy bank, then we went out to my mother in laws and picked up annie and my laundry, then we went home and i made a kickass dinner. Then we took the girls to the mall to play on the indoor playground, then came home and gave them a bath, then i read to them, and put annie to bed, then emma read to me, and now she is in bed and whewwww i finally have taked my meds and am crashing. May i just give myself a pat on the back and note how functional i was today ( i hope i dont sound prideful). Iim excited to see corey tomorrow and have something positive to tell him for a change. I get so tired of having just deppresing news to report. Well i have to go now. My brain is turning to mush :)
Judgement and Regrets
1 week ago