Saturday, February 14, 2009

happy valentines day!

Guess i havent posted for a little while. Iv'e been really deppressed and i noticed that when i get that way and start isolating that i tend to also isolate from my computer. I think that is a little weird, i mean, one would think that a blog would be a great way to express my feelings w/o actually having to talk to anyone. Maybe it just seems like too much work. EVERYTHING is work when i am deppressed.
Bingeing and purging has been waaay out of control, im sorry to say. I'm feeling scared and discouraged and hopeless and don't know what to do to turn this situation around. It is such a draining and isolating illness; at night when i look back on my day i mostly see it as a series frenzied purges; the dirty inside of a toilet bowl. What a way to live.
On the upside, Annies potty training is going really well. Today is the second day she is wearing real honest to gooodness cotton undies- not pullups. I feel this is quite an accomplishment, almost more so for me than for her, because i am the one who has to put her on the potty every 20 minutes. I have to take her to the potty before we leave to go anywhere, then again when we get where we are going, then midway through the outing if it is a long one, then again when we get home. This is what you do if you dont want them to we their pants. Cause once they are out of pullups and into real undies, you have to have them on the potty almost constantly for the first little while, unless you want to be changing wet pants. Sometimes i just want to quit and just slap a daiper back on her. But i dont.
Chris may be going back to work next week. He had taken a leave to help me when i got home from the hospital. I am really not doing any better and am just as unstable as i was then, and i am not looking forward to him being gone more. Its hard, though. i realize thhat his life has begun to revolve around my problems and how i am doing on a given day and stuff like that and i know that it is not good for him. He needs to get out of the house and back into things that intrest him. His job is not really a job but an engineering internship. He reallly enjoys it and says he has learned more there than at school. I had thought for awhile that i could convince him not to go back, but we had a talk about it the other night and i realized how important it was to him. So i am going to try my best to be stable and sane and not freak out ect next week when he goees back. Wish me luck!
Lately i have been thinking about changing the name of my blog to " Lisa's Downward Spiral", or maybe "Potty Training Chronicles". Cause that is what it is turning into. Next time i will try hard to find something else to write about. OH OH OH I almost forgot! Big news! I was released from nursery! Yes! And i know it is a big no-no to tell anyone your new calling before you are officially called but since i really dont care here it is- i am going to be a visiting teaching supervisor! I can totally do that! Guess i better start doing my own visiting teaching....

1 comment:

Kara said...

Lisa, I'm so sorry that things are so hard right now. I know that sometimes it's easier to isolate when you are so depressed, but try to at least blog or call a friend or something. I'm glad that you have an amazing husband to support you. It must be scary to know that he is going back to work next week. Hang in there. I'm rooting for you.