I was reading Sairs' blog this morning and saw the picture of Indian food and I just had to have some!!!!! I wanted to go out for Indian so bad today but I am trying to save money so I decided to pull out my Indian cookbooks and make some myself. I made green chutney, Balti butter chicken, and tri-color pulao and it was SO good! I would like to cook Indian food more often but it is alot of work and I am lazy.
I do feel kind of bad right now, because after the meal I got really full and anxious and ended up purging, which is something I haven't done in almost two months. I am trying not to beat myself up over it. After all, I am still doing waaay better than I was even a few months ago. My body image just really sucks right now! It is so bad that I was even thinking about laxatives and diuretics today. But no, I wouldn't do that. I just feel so, I don't know, puffy. Sigh.
Last night I was sitting on the couch watching tv and I started to feel something weird in my abdomen that I swear felt just like a baby kicking! I started to worry that I was pregnant and then it was REAL and I just KNEW I was pregnant! I mean, that would explain everything: the heartburn, having to pee all the time, irregular period. I started to feel sick to my stomache, thinking about the baby and not being ready for another baby and worrying about the meds I'm taking. I had Chris go out and get me a pregnancy test (poor guy) and guess what, I'm not pregnant.
I don't know what the deal is with this anxiety lately. It's like it has hijacked my brain and I just am not living in reality.
My therapist did have a cancellation on the 30th so I will not have to wait so long to see her afterall, which is good.
I have a bit of a family reunion this weekend which is causing me some stress, but I don't feel up to blogging about that now. Maybe later.
Judgement and Regrets
1 month ago