Sunday, September 13, 2009

extinction, religion, and other stuff

Ok, once again I am watching something I shouldn't be watching. It's this show in discovery channel about the top 10 ways humans could go extinct. Nuclear war, asteriod impact, plague, you name it. It is totally freaking me out and I may make a food storage run tomorrow. My food storage shelves are totally full, but maybe I can fit some under the beds or in the hall. Then we wouldn't have to leave the house for ahwile in case of a pandemic. I don't know how to prepare for an asteroid, though. i'm pretty sure I'd burn up along with all my canned beans.

Ok, on to something else.

I mentioned in a recent post that I am having some struggles with my church. Since then, I have regretted talking about it on my blog, and just now realize why. I mean, I talk about all kinds of personal stuff on my blog, and mostly have felt good about it. But my religion and spirituality is different somehow. It is not merely personal, it is sacred. Although I am struggling with this every day, i don't think i will be talking about it much here in the future. I may mention it from time to time, but not go into details.

We went to the Blank Park Zoo in Des Moines yesterday. It was kind of lame a zoos go, but some parts were cool. They had some pretty sweet jellyfish. I am trying to figure out how to get pictures from my phone onto the computer so i can put up some pics of some of the fun things we have done this summer.

I have only been on the buspar since thursday, but have seen a huge improvement in my anxiety level. I have to take it 3 times a day. I feel like I am popping pills all day long. Morning, noon, dinner time, nighttime. But its worth it to feel sane again.

I am still preoccupied with how much i weighed at my doctor's office, and am struggling with those ridiculous ED thoughts. You know, the ones that say "you must lose X pounds by you follow up in 3 weeks so he will take you seriously". But thats total bs. The reality is, I wasnt underweight, yet he did take me seriously. So all evidence points to me not needing to lose weight. Aparrently ED hasn't gotten the memo.

Well, thats about it for now. Take it easy :)

4 comments: said...

Stay strong and stay connected with what you know is real and with what you really want. As you know, that whole idea of having to lose x pounds by your follow up is not what you TRULY believe so keep fighting that thought. That doctor is so great; he's already shown you he'll take you seriously (and if he didn't take you seriously, it wouldn't mean you should weigh less - it would mean you should get a new doctor). Anyway, it's not about doing things for the doctors. It's about doing things for you and your family. Keep going strong, Lisa. You're doing great. By not trying to lose weight, you're absolutely making the right choice. I think the more you triumph over giving into the restriction thoughts, eventually, the less you (and I) will have them. (Which in a way is a scary thing, but we both know it's ultimately the best). Remember, you don't want to stay a little bit sick. You want to be released to be the best you and have your best life.

Thinking of you!

Kara said...

I"m glad that you are fighting those ED thoughts. From now on you can either refuse to be weighed at the doctor's (new concept to me too) or ask them not to show you your weight.

I know what you mean about not being thin enough to be taken seriously. Totally irrational thoughts, but there none the less. I'm glad your doctor is so invested in your treatment regardless of your weight.

It's 3am and I should probably try to go back to sleep...

Eating Alone said...

Ummm, would ED really let you eat if the world was ending? Also if you've got a food store, as a good Mormon I know you do, you know you need to rotate the food. So does ED let you eat it when you rotate it around?

I too know what it's like. I can't have an ED cause I'm overweight - forget normal weight I'm obese - I love it when the Dr.'s try and say well yeah but.. NO that's what you said when I started this diet. If I walked in today for the first time that's what you would say. Sure I've lost about 55% of my body in 15 months but there's still more to go! Sorry I'm in an ED mood. He is winning today and it's spilling out everywhere.

Please fight and win! that will give me some encouragment.

Lisa said...

Having a food store is a Mormon thing? I had no idea.

YES your doc took you seriously! You have a disease just like diabetes or H1N1 or renal failure. He's a good doc, unlike some of the ones that E.A has apparently run into.

You can do it! And the world is not going to end - at least not until 2012, when the Mayan Long Count ends. Just kidding, darlin ;)