Friday, September 25, 2009

Hello and goodnight!

Well I'm just hanging out in a rare moment to myself. Chris took the girls to the park; isn't that nice of him? I cuddled with Baby for a little bit. In case you forgot , Baby is my new bunny. He's growing on me and yes, I'm glad I got him. He's an adorable little fuzzball and petting him is very theraputic.
Hmm, what else is new.

I am making more changes in my religious life that I think will enable me to become more who God wants me to be. It is difficult, but I find that I am braver than I ever thought possible.

As usual, I am still struggling with my ED. I am maintaining my weight ok. Actually, I keep losing the same 5 pounds and then gaining it back, which is probably not that great for my metabolism. I know its not good for my recovery. And, I cant seem to stop purging. But I did eat a healthy dinner tonight and keep it down. I have small victories here and there. What I lack is consistency. I'm still seeing the same therapist but I am starting to wonder if it is going to work out with her. I'm not sure she really "gets me". She keeps telling me how "strong I am " and how "I just need to believe in myself". As if it were that easy. Did she sleep through my history? She doesn't seem to get that I am severely messed up! Hello, social security? I do this for a living, lady!

Ok, that last bit sounded bad. I was mostly joking. I recieve social security because I am too sick to work. I did not get sick so I could recieve benefits. Believe me, I would much rather be healthy and together and working and fulfilling my potential and all that other stuff. This is not how I thought my life would be.

On that cheery note I have to go cause Chris and the girls just got home. See ya!


Tasty Health Food said...

You did have a little bit of buyer's remorse with Baby there for a while. xD It's okay, it's always like that with a new pet.

Ah, ED... It really sucks. I'm glad to see that you are managing to make some progress though with keep down your dinner. Just live each day one at a time and try not to worry. Things will work out in the end!

PTC said...

Maybe you can try out a new T while you still go to this one. She doesn't need to know!! You need to find a good one, like Charro. I love Charro. You need a Charro!! said...

I lack consistency too. Why? Why do we lack consistency? Is it fear that holds us back?

You should never keep seeing a therapist that you don't think "Gets you." How are you feeling about her now? Do you think it's just something that takes time? or do you think you should really switch?

Tasty Health Food said...

I nominated you for the Kreativ Blogger Award! :)