Well I'm just hanging out in a rare moment to myself. Chris took the girls to the park; isn't that nice of him? I cuddled with Baby for a little bit. In case you forgot , Baby is my new bunny. He's growing on me and yes, I'm glad I got him. He's an adorable little fuzzball and petting him is very theraputic.
Hmm, what else is new.
I am making more changes in my religious life that I think will enable me to become more who God wants me to be. It is difficult, but I find that I am braver than I ever thought possible.
As usual, I am still struggling with my ED. I am maintaining my weight ok. Actually, I keep losing the same 5 pounds and then gaining it back, which is probably not that great for my metabolism. I know its not good for my recovery. And, I cant seem to stop purging. But I did eat a healthy dinner tonight and keep it down. I have small victories here and there. What I lack is consistency. I'm still seeing the same therapist but I am starting to wonder if it is going to work out with her. I'm not sure she really "gets me". She keeps telling me how "strong I am " and how "I just need to believe in myself". As if it were that easy. Did she sleep through my history? She doesn't seem to get that I am severely messed up! Hello, social security? I do this for a living, lady!
Ok, that last bit sounded bad. I was mostly joking. I recieve social security because I am too sick to work. I did not get sick so I could recieve benefits. Believe me, I would much rather be healthy and together and working and fulfilling my potential and all that other stuff. This is not how I thought my life would be.
On that cheery note I have to go cause Chris and the girls just got home. See ya!
Judgement and Regrets
1 month ago