Did i mention that i ate a McDonalds McFlurry the other night? Well, i did. So la-de-da, you might say. Big deal. But it was a big deal, to me.
It started a few weeks ago, when my husband got a McFlurry and let me have a taste of it. I haven't been able to get that divine deliciousness off my mind since! But, unlike a normal person who would just go and satisfy a craving, i added it to the long list of foods that i wanted to eat but never would be able to without freaking out or throwing up, and moved on. Until thursday.
We had just gotten back from a family outing and i put the girls to bed and was really wanting some ice cream. As an occassional treat, i get soft serve from McD's. It's low-fat, it's safe. So i got in my car and headed out, but as i pulled in the drive -thru my mind was it was not the soft serve i was thinking of, it was the McFlurry. Then, when i checked the flavors and saw that they had Take 5, which just happens to be my favorite candy bar, i knew it was fate that i got that Mc Flurry (ok, ok, i know this is a little overly dramatic, and there is no such thing as fate as far as frozen concoctions are concerned, but hey, when it comes to food, i get a little emotional)!
So this is how, at around 8:30 last thursday night, i found myself in the McDonald's drive thru, ordering a McFlurry.
The drive home was like an out of body experience. I had the shake in my hand, and yet i wasn't bingeing. I felt strangely calm, yet there was this tingly-electric current that seemed to be running through my body, just beneath the surface. Who was thhis strange creature that was suddenly inhabiting my skin?
Then i knew. I just knew. This was a food challenge. I did one at the Center for Change. They put me alone in a room with a Pizza Hut pizza to see what would happen and I ate 2 slices and sat there for the rest of the hour, bored. In other words, I ACED IT!
So, i walked into the apartment and told my husband that i had decided to challenge myself with the McFlurry, and that no, I was not going to throw up. And, bless him, he did not make a big deal about it and let me eat in peace, with no annoying "how are you doing" questions. He didn't even ask me for a bite, which i was terrified he would do. I will admit that i am territorial over my food, especially treats, and do not like to share.
So, to make a long story short, i went out, bought a McFlurry, brought it home, ate it, and went to bed. The end. But it's really so much more than that, for me. That night, i broke all the rules, stepped outside the black and white. And guess what? Nothing terrible horrible awful happened. My world didn't fall apart. And, no, i didn't gain 100 pound overnight.
Thats what the challenge is all about. Taking a step outside the comfort zone and living to tell the tale. i think i have become slightly comfortable with my ED lately. I need to shake things up.
From here on out i am going to do one challenge a week and be accountable on this blog. i am not going to devote such a long post to it, just mention it in passing. The challenge day will be thursday.
I think this will be good for me.
Judgement and Regrets
1 month ago