Saturday, May 23, 2009

McFlurry Challenge

Did i mention that i ate a McDonalds McFlurry the other night? Well, i did. So la-de-da, you might say. Big deal. But it was a big deal, to me.

It started a few weeks ago, when my husband got a McFlurry and let me have a taste of it. I haven't been able to get that divine deliciousness off my mind since! But, unlike a normal person who would just go and satisfy a craving, i added it to the long list of foods that i wanted to eat but never would be able to without freaking out or throwing up, and moved on. Until thursday.

We had just gotten back from a family outing and i put the girls to bed and was really wanting some ice cream. As an occassional treat, i get soft serve from McD's. It's low-fat, it's safe. So i got in my car and headed out, but as i pulled in the drive -thru my mind was it was not the soft serve i was thinking of, it was the McFlurry. Then, when i checked the flavors and saw that they had Take 5, which just happens to be my favorite candy bar, i knew it was fate that i got that Mc Flurry (ok, ok, i know this is a little overly dramatic, and there is no such thing as fate as far as frozen concoctions are concerned, but hey, when it comes to food, i get a little emotional)!

So this is how, at around 8:30 last thursday night, i found myself in the McDonald's drive thru, ordering a McFlurry.

The drive home was like an out of body experience. I had the shake in my hand, and yet i wasn't bingeing. I felt strangely calm, yet there was this tingly-electric current that seemed to be running through my body, just beneath the surface. Who was thhis strange creature that was suddenly inhabiting my skin?

Then i knew. I just knew. This was a food challenge. I did one at the Center for Change. They put me alone in a room with a Pizza Hut pizza to see what would happen and I ate 2 slices and sat there for the rest of the hour, bored. In other words, I ACED IT!

So, i walked into the apartment and told my husband that i had decided to challenge myself with the McFlurry, and that no, I was not going to throw up. And, bless him, he did not make a big deal about it and let me eat in peace, with no annoying "how are you doing" questions. He didn't even ask me for a bite, which i was terrified he would do. I will admit that i am territorial over my food, especially treats, and do not like to share.

So, to make a long story short, i went out, bought a McFlurry, brought it home, ate it, and went to bed. The end. But it's really so much more than that, for me. That night, i broke all the rules, stepped outside the black and white. And guess what? Nothing terrible horrible awful happened. My world didn't fall apart. And, no, i didn't gain 100 pound overnight.

Thats what the challenge is all about. Taking a step outside the comfort zone and living to tell the tale. i think i have become slightly comfortable with my ED lately. I need to shake things up.

From here on out i am going to do one challenge a week and be accountable on this blog. i am not going to devote such a long post to it, just mention it in passing. The challenge day will be thursday.
I think this will be good for me.


Kara said...

Wow, I can relate to this post so much. Thank you for writing about it. I don't know if I should say good job or be too excited about it just because sometimes that can be triggering (at least for me). I'm glad you for the McFlurry and I'm glad that you are going to start to do challenges once a week. You rock!

Kara said...

Typo: I'm glad you got the McFlurry.

They are sooooo good! And I had no idea they had Take 5 Mcflurries - I'm going to have to get one!

Lisa said...

Hooray! It's hard to explain things like this to people who are unfamiliar with EDs - how on earth could a McFlurry (or cheesecake or french fries or pizza) be a challenge to eat? It just blows their minds.

I think I need to have a food challenge soon, too. I'm in a bit of a rut.

Zena said...

You fucking ROCK!!!!

way to go..I wish I had your courage

Love, Z

Keely said...

You are so amazing. I love you. (hug)