Friday, October 23, 2009

more about the gym and therapy baggage

I Hate To Weight asked me a few questions about my blood pressure and the gym. First thing: the blood pressure. I don't know what it has been running this week. I am going to the see Dr. S this afternoon so it will be taken then and also i can ask him about it. It could have just been high that time because I was nervous about seeing a personal trainer. Also I had some coffee that morning. But there is something that worries me. When i have been doing cardio (treadmill or eliptical) this week I keep getting lightheaded and nauseous. When It gets really bad I stop. No, wait that's not true. I usually still go for the full time I had planned on. But no worries, they have a defibrillator at the gym ;). Anyways, I am glad to be seeing the doctor today so I can ask him about it.
Second question is about what K would think of me joining the gym. I think she will be happy about it. At our last appt we talked about how I need some regular excercise to help out with my mood. And I do not have a history of overexercising. I went through a breif period last year of exercising nearly every day and not eating enough, but that was mostly driven by my relationship with Cory, my old T. He was a former bodybuilder and was always encouraging me to work out. He was like "if you have to be obsessed about something, why not be obsessed about being 'fit' and 'lean'". He used those two words alot. He would also tell me that when he was "reducing" he would only drink two bottles of Naked juice a day! Not the best thing to tell an eating disordered client. He was also very critical of overweight people. One time he told me that the saying "real women have curves" was just a rationalization that fat women use to feel better about themselves, and that runway models have the kind of curves that are attractive. Of course I just sat there agreeing with him because I'm a people pleaser and wanted his approval, but inside I was freaking out thinking "this is inappropriate he is full of it does he think I'm fat do I have supermodel curves!!!". The last straw as something that he said to my husband, but it bothered me so much that I just couldn't see him anymore. Chris was telling Cory about something he did that weekend and he said "it was tons of fun" and Cory said "kind of like a FAT LADY"! I gueaa Cory thought he was being funny but when I heard about it I was pretty uncomfortable. I think that fat jokes are inappropriate in any context, but I really would expect a therapist to be more evolved. So after that I just told him I needed to see someone else. I never had the guts to tell him why, or how much his comments triggered me. But after I switched therapists my overexercising magically disappeared.
Wow, I didn't mean to write so much about Cory. I guess I have alot of baggage there. I trusted him and relied on him to get me through some pretty hard times, and he was a really good therapist. but he ultimately betrayed my trust by his insensitive attitudes about food and weight. To be fair, he wasn't an ED therapist. But he should have known better anyway.
I think it is just a bad idea all around for me to see a male T. If a female therapist had said the things he said to me I probably would have talked to her about it or fired her right away. But I have this thing about men that I always have to please them and need them to approve of me. I don't know what the deal is. Anyways, I'm glad I have K right now. She is really good.

7 comments:

lisalisa said...

oh one more thing about Cory: When I was exercising too much and not eating enough I started having irregular heartbeats and dizzyness so I went to the ER because it was really bad. It turns out my potassium was low and the doctor in the ER told me not to exercise and to see my regular doctor to get my potassium checked to next week. Well the next day i saw Cory and he was like "I don't agree with the not exercising! I think you can still walk and do some light weightlifting." DOOD! I was in the ER the night before! WTH! But I felt guilty then for wanting to take a break from exercising and ended up only taking one day off from exercising that week. Good thing I didn't die. Geez.

Angela said...

I'm so sorry about your experience with Cory. Not all male therapists are like that; I work with a male ED specialist and he is great.

Cory=idiot

You're right, as a professionally trained therapist, he should know better whether he's a ED specialist or not. He doesn't deserve to hold a license.

(Grr ... As a former social worker, I feel really strong about this kind of thing!)

Eating Alone said...

Cory = Dangerous Idiot

My two cents. But that is old lisa, not now lisa. That was past and you can't change it so let's vent and depending on how long ago it was, write him a letter explaining all those things and put it in drawer. Wait a week read it and if you still want to send it then do so.

I'm hopeing your seeing someone that you like now. That's important. I'm a people pleaser too but I'm learning that I'm not in therapy to please the therapist. Crap now I've got to stand up to her about something she said to me. Oh well I'll follow the lisa principal and do it! I can't give advice unless I'm willing to take it.

Alexandra Rising said...

Wow, your old T sounds TOXIC. Honestly, with everything I'm learning in school, he sounds like he could be violating some ethical code. What was his degree? He sounds like he'd be a better fit for one of those "Nutrition Lifestyle Institutes" rather than actual therapy. I was disgusted to read about that!

Question: Your gym sounds like it was abnormally expensive. Is there a reason it was so costly? Most of the gyms around here seem to push $300 for a year MAX, and many are cheaper than that. And I'm in NY..so man! Why is your gym so pricey? Just curious...

-Alex

lisalisa said...

crap, alex, i'm beginning to think I got hosed on the whole gym thing! Ok, it was $600 for the year (but I get the following 6 mos free so it is really more like 600 for 18 months), $199 signing- up fee, and $6o for first and last months childcare. So with the tax it came to like 910 dollars. but the thing that I think really sucks is that doesnt include monthly childcare, other than this month and the last month. I still have to pay 40 a month to drop the girls in the playroom while I work out. Which is practically like having a whole other membership!
One thing is, this is pretty much the only gtm in town. Well, there is anytime fitness, but they dont have childcare or classes.
Every time I go over these numbers I hyperventalate (sp?)!
Well, I just have to keep thinking, its for my mental health. I don't know.

Alexandra Rising said...

Is it a chain gym? That might explain the price? Also, I can't believe that monthly childcare wouldnt be included in the cost!

lisalisa said...

no, its not a chain. maybe since its local and has control over its own price is one reason its so expensive. And I didn't know that childcare is usually included. that is something my sister told me last weekend. This is my first gym experience and so far I think I've been had!