Monday, October 19, 2009

working it

So I'm sitting here soaking an infected toe in saltwater (yummy, right?) and i thought I'd post a few thoughts.

I went to the gym and worked out this morning, and had my introductry consultation with the personal trainer. It was free, of course I cannot afford personal training. So anyways, she took my blood pressure and it was 144/80 !!!! I usually run low, and this was at least 40 points above my normal! It freaked me out! So hopefully I am not having a stroke anytime soon or anything.

The session was really great and she taught me some really good moves for my core. I have never worked on my core before, as that conflicts with my habit of prtending that my core doesn't exist. But I am ready to change my patterns of behavior (I think) and hope to become more fit and lean.

Today as I was working out I realized that if I am going to do this I really can't starve myself anymore. Since I have paid like a million dollars for this membership I have to work out, and I cant work out if I don't give myself fuel. So I guess I am blackmailing myself into being healthy.
Part of me is scared by this. I mean, how will i manage my feelings without my eating disorder? How will I define my life if I am not justifying my existence by starving? Can I do this?

6 comments:

Eating Alone said...

Sorry about the infection. But I'm happy about the changing of the attitude. It's good to put aside ED to get healthy and do something for your body.

Alexandra Rising said...

Very true. You will have to fuel your body if you are going to begin working out. Best of luck!!!

PTC said...

Yes, you definitely need to eat!!!

now.is.now said...

I find my desire to exercise as good motivation to eat. I hope it works for you too! You want to be healthy, strong, and proud!

Keely said...

Yes you can! I think this sounds cool, as long as you don't over do it. Steve actually recommended doing this for me to help me improve my body image (feel toned and strong with a healthy body.)

I Hate to Weight said...

you are such a lovely person -- your ED doesn't define YOU. it just steamrolled its way in.

i know i'm slowly growing outside of my ED. it's been a LONG time coming, and i'm surprised that it is. still, i've been working on this for a long, long time

hey, i have two questions -- what happened with your blood pressure and the second question is, i wonder what K. thinks of your joining a gym. gym's are always tricky for us. you sound grounded in your attendance.

take care!