Tuesday, December 29, 2009

bulimia sux

i hate this! Why can't i get it under control? I threw up four times today. So, not a good day. And i woke up this morning with the best of intentions. Why does it all go to crap the minute I put food in my mouth?
Sigh.

5 comments:

Eating Alone said...

You need help getting it under control. Please get some help.

tania said...

hey you, i really wish i could type down some magic words that would somehow act miraclous on you and that tomorrow morning u were able to post about a 'a good day' ... Ive been there and to be honest I didnt even know what I wanted to hear .. if they say i need some help, id say im not that sick, if they say you can do this I convince myself otherwise, if they say let it go like nothings wrong I make an analisis of how big of a deal is and how much harm it has brought me.. hun take day by day.. beng motivated to get better is in ur posts.. we (ur lovely readers) can sense it, and so is ur ED, hence why its fighting back.. that demon. -.-

I wish you the best luck amiga.. look up :) cheers!

Katie said...

eep. that sucks :(
i dont know what to tell you, except i know what you mean, you're not alone.
just take care miss.
xox

now.is.now said...

Hey Lisa, I really agree with the other comments.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I agree with what Tania said about there not really being a "right" thing to say, but here is my two cents anyway. A few thoughts:

1) YOU NEED MONITORING AT HOME: Frequent purging is so dangerous. Also, it wreaks havoc on your mental state. You hate it. "Bulimia Sux," as you wrote. You may not be in a position to be able to stop yourself so easily right now. So I think you need some help. Can you talk to Chris, tell him that you'er B/P multiple times a day, tell him that you want to get this more under control, tell him that this is a rough patch and you would love his help, tell him to not let you go to the bathroom after a meal. Whatever kind of "watching" you need... tell him to come into the bathroom with you. Tell him that, when you want to purge, you're probably going to beg him to leave you alone. Tell him to expect this and not give in to you.

2) I do believe you need to tell your therapist about this increase in symptoms asap and work on decreasing symptoms

3) I believe you need meal support. Maybe that means that, every time after you eat, you decide beforehand what you are going to do. EX: you decide, before eating breakfast, that after eating breakfast, you will play something with Emma and Annie or you will walk around the block. Some pot-meal planning might be good here.

4) You might want to plan out your food for the whole day (make sure it's realistic) so that you don't feel this vague out-of-control feeling around the food. HAving a plan might reduce unwanted eating, which would reduce purging.

If I think of anything else, I'll let you know.

Right now, reducing these symptoms needs to be your # 1 priority. You need to do whatever it takes. You need to ask for help from whever you need to. It is dangerous, it makes you miserable, it is bigger than you, and you need to do whatever it takes. I really mean that.

Lisa, you'll pull through! I know it. But it's going to be a lot of hard work for a little bit. It'll probably take a good handful of purge-free dyas to feel confient in your ability to eat semi-normally again.

now.is.now said...

More ideas:

5) Instead of purging, hold ice cubes. instead of purging, draw on your arms. Instead of purging, shred paper. (these are ideas Jane gave me to do instead of restricting - I like the ice cube idea personally)

6) Increase the self-soothing activities you do. Put on calm music; take baths; close your eyes, lie on your bed, dream, and breathe. Form a massage train with your girls.