Sunday, December 6, 2009

thanks y'all!

wow, I recieved some really good feedback regarding my last post and the whole wanting to diet/slimfast thing! It has really made me think about what i am doing.

I think it is true that I am feeling uncomfortable and out of control and am trying to seize back control through restricting. But as Karo said, I need to remind myself that restricting/anorexia has never brought me anything good in my life. It just keeps me trapped in my eating disorder and I lose more of my life battling this disease that has already cost me so much. And like Now said, maybe this is a good opportunity to learn some self- love. how can I learn to love myself if I keep trying to change to make myself loveable?

Today at worship service we were singing a song about how we are changed through the sacrifice of Jesus and some of the lyrics were "we will never be the same, we will never be the same". I want to feel that way. When I choose my ED, I am just being the same old Lisa. I want to be a new creation in the Lord, and I know He has the power to help me conquer my ED. What stops me from letting Him? Is it lack of faith? Fear? I don't know.

Even though all of these thoughts are going through my head, at this point I still really want to lose weight. But at least I am thinking about it.

3 comments: said...

Good, good, I'm glad you're thinking. Keep thinking :) Stay true to what you value and what you are striving for. And avoid what has proven, time and time again, to be ineffective (cougheatingdisordercough) said...

I'm at my gramma's house, cleaning out all her stuff - she has SO MUCH STUFF!! She has saved EVERYTHING! Everything anyone she ever knew's mother's brother's cousin's son's friend has ever written or given to her. Seriously. Anyway, I found this and immediately thought of you:

"Let me have the courage to believe in myself
Not only on the days when I'm doing great and nothing seems impossible
But on the days when the world looks lousy and I'm losing.
And the road ahead seems too hard;
When I wonder if I'm brave enough, smart enough,
Strong enough and I must be crazy if I try,
Don't let me quit - Let me have courage in myself.
No matter how many people discourage me, doubt me,
laugh at me, warn me, think me a fool...
Don't let me listen, let me hear another voice saying,
"You can do it,"...And, "You will."
If no one else in the world cares or believes in me...
Let me have the courage to believe in myself!"

Alexandra Rising said...

"Who says I can't be free
From all of the things that I used to be?
Rewrite my history
Who says I can't be free?"

I like these lyrics from a song by John Mayer if thought about in relation to breaking free from past maladies.