ok, today has just been the worst and I feel the need to b*tch and moan about it for a bit.
Went to the dentist today for the much anticipated/dreaded cavity fillings that need to get done. One cavity is minor but the other one is so large that the dentist was not sure if it would turn into a root canal rather than a filling. He was going to open up the tooth and see.
So he put a little numbing gel on my gums but the shot of anesthesia still hurt SO BAD! Then i wasn't really getting numb so he had to give me some mor. I cant have novicaine because it messes up my heart and I aready have heart rhythm problems. So I have to have the other stuff but it just doesn't work as well. Anyways, the dentist started to drill my tooth and right away a sharp pain shot through my tooth and face. Obviously I was not numb. The dentist gave me some more shots and was waiting for them to work and then I startd having a minor panic attack. He was like "just breathe" and he stayed with me to make sure I was ok. Did I mention I have the nicest dentist ever? Anyways, I calmed down but still was not numb and he told me that based on my weight (i'm not underweight, they just base the dose on your weight) he could not give me any more anesthesia. Suck.
So I was like "well what are we going to do now?" and he said that once in a while he has a patient that he cannot get numb and they just reschedule the appointment and try again. He also said that my anxiety level probably lowered my pain threshold and made it harder to get numb. He wished he had some nitrous to give me but they don't have that. I said that this was the perfect situation for a Xanax but that I cant take those since I used to be dependent on them. But we decided that I should ask my doctor to give me one Xanax per dental appointment. I mean, I have to get this dental work done! And if all I had was one Xanax and no more there is no way I could abuse it. The problem is hwen I have a full bottle of Xanax and I just take them and take them.
So I have a call into my doctor's office and hopefully he will not think I am drug seeking (well I am in a way) and give me the Xanax. My dentist said that my doctor could call him if he needed to.
So this whole ordeal had pretty much sucked. I had to go through all those painful shots and the anxiety for nothing!!!! Plus I am embarrassed to be such a wuss. I have had 7 root canals and this has never happened to me before!
P.S. I am still going back and forth on the whole slimfast thing. I am tempted to try to let go of the whole diet/weight loss thing for now. For one thing, it's the holidays, and not being able to eat would suck. Also, I am tempted to see if I could learn to love myself and my body. I mean, if I could do it at this weight that would be quite a triumph! So I had the slimfast for breakfast, but for lunch am nibbling on some seasonal foods that I am trying to enjoy with moderation.
Judgement and Regrets
1 week ago