lost a crown eating home made toffee. Ate more toffee to console myself. Ate candy instead of lunch. purged dinner and ate more candy. Now have a mouth full of sores, unfinished dental work, and crown-less tooth stump thing.
Took the van to the shop and found out it needs $450- 500 dollars worth of work. burst into tears- uncontrollable sobbing in the car as Chris drove around getting estimates and Annie strapped in the car seat said anxiously "its ok mommy dont cry".
Became wailing and hysterical as I could not find a reciept for some presents that I had to take back since we cannot afford them. Sensed imminent psychological meltdown and dosed self with some extra seroquel. Retreated to my room muttering incoherently. Emerged half hour later and curled up on the couch, clutching my stuffed rabbit and listening to religious music.
Responses to my children today swung between complete nonresponsiveness and shouting. Am a horrible mother. Good thing Chris was here.
Fat. Failure. Evil.
Tomorrow morning at 8 I get to take the Xanax and get some dental work done. I think it will be the highlight of the week.
Judgement and Regrets
6 days ago