It's 5 am and I'm wide awake. Today we are leaving on our mini-vacay to the Great Wolf Lodge in the Wisconsin Dells and i am so excited! It seems like we have been looking forward to this forever! We packed and cleaned the house last night, and made arrangements for a friend to come look in on the animals. My brother and sister in law are going too, but we are not driving together because they are leaving from Waterloo. But this is so great for the kids, because they each have a girl cousin their age who will be there. The Great Wolf Lodge is this huge northwoods-themed hotel with an indoor waterpark and restraunts and spa and gift shops and tons of other stuff. One really fun thing for Emma to do there is play MagicQuest. You but a wand at the MagicQuest gift shop and activate it and then you go on quests all over the hotel. You look for things, like portraits on the wall or treasure chests or little animals, suits of armor, all kinds of things. When you point the wand at them they light up and talk to you and tell you clues or give you treasure points or whatever. There are different quests you can go on, you have to solve riddles and find different things and stuff like that. It is really cute because all over the hotel there are little kids running around with their wands, all excited.
Well , one thing I have not really been mentioning on here is that for at least a month I have been planning to lose weight for this trip. At first it was like "ok the trip is in 3 weeks. I have to lose x lbs". And then it was like "one week left. Try to lose all the weight you can". And when that didn't happen it was "2 days left...liquid fast", which also did not happen. I think I just know better. Especially the liquid fast. I really wanted to do it, but then i just kept thinking "I will be cranky and tired on the trip and then it will be no fun. Also, what if I overdid it on the fast and got sick and we couldn't go?". So in the end I didn't lose any weight. I think I have even gained weight. I don't know. I have this mistaken belief that in order to have fun I have to be thin. I have to remind myself that lots of people of all shapes and sized go on trips and have fun. They probably have more fun, because they are not worrying about eating or weight or whatever. So that is what I am going to try to do.
Sometimes I feel like I am one of those people on those weight loss commercials that used to be really heavy and they talk about what is was like before they lost the weight. How they used to avoid people and didn't like to go out or do fun things because they felt uncomfortable and embarrassed about their weight. I feel that way alot. Except I'm not freaking fat! There, I said it. I'm not fat!!!!! But why do I feel so fat? Why do I feel such despair when I look in the mirror? Why am I so ashamed of my body?
Oh well. I do not really want to think about all that right now. I just want to go and have fun for a few days with my family. So that is what I am going to do.
Expect a long picture post when I get back!
Judgement and Regrets
1 week ago