Tuesday, November 10, 2009

new addiction

I am absolutely hooked on these things! They are called sugar pears. You can't really tell from the picture, but they are tiny, like the size of a plum or apricot. A bonus is that they look really great in a bowl in the kitchen, kind of like home decor you can eat. They have a really delicious, sweet flavor that is kind of like honey. I am not usually a fruit lover (prefer veggies) but these little guys have won me over! I was also thinking of giving them as christmas gifts, like to Emma's teacher and the postman and the like. I think they would look really festive in a decorative box or a cello bag with a nice bow.
Ok, enough about the pears.

I have not purged since saturday! That's two days in a row! Woot! I am really working hard on this because I just want to be free of it. Head in the toilet is no way to go through life. I am still struggling with the restricting, though. Since the most recent weight gain I am feeling sooo uncomfortable in my body. I want to lose weight really bad. Rationally, I know this will not help me, just keep me stuck, but you know old habits die hard.
I am going to see a dietitian but my insurance won't cover it I can only see het twice. Oh well that's better than nothing I guess. Maybe she can help me get some more structure to my eating. I really would like to eat regularly, if only I knew I wouldn't keep gaining weight. Maybe my metabolism is low from all the years of starving. If this is true, resticting is only going to make it worse.

Today is day four on the increased dose of methylP. I feel really great and am hopeful that we have finally found something that works! I am considering not doing the shock treatments. But I am still keeping the appointment with the doctor, just in case. One thing about the methylP that is problematic is that since it is an amphetamine it suppresses my appetite. I have really noticed it since the dose increase. To be honest a big part of me is pleased about this, but the healthy part of me knows that this is not a good thing. It is just too easy to listen to ED tell me not to eat when I am not even hungry anyway.

Well that is about it for now. Emma is home sick today so we are stuck in the house (except I get to get out later today to go to the dentist-yay!). I think I am going to do some much needed cleaning and packing some things to go to the thrift store.

Here is a collage of positive things that made to cheer myself up! Enjoy!

Have a great day!


Katie said...

i love the collage :D
and you're right, grilling is awesome. I love grilled eggplant! Summer BBQs are good.

but so are winter BBQs :P i choose to be stubbornly negative :P

well done on not purging, keep it up! purging is shit. it sucks, and it ruins your teeth, and hurts your throat, and makes your eyes look crap and its a bloody waste of time as well.
i hate purging >:(

i know how you feel, i'm absolutely ITCHING to loose weight after exams. urgh, its truly an addiction. and i suppose recovery is all about kicking those addictions to the curb.

take care

Alexandra Rising said...

Congrats on the 2 purge free days [I hope you are on day 3!]
And yay for empowering collages!