well, I drove to Waterloo last night for pretty much nothing. Dr T said he would be really uncomfortable doing the ECT's if he could not follow me afterward. He was also really uncomfortable with me not having a psyhiatrist and just getting my meds from a primary care doc. He had several suggestions for what he thought I should do. He thought I should have Dr. S inrease my Pristiq. I am at the max FDA approved dose, but doctor T said he has several patients taking more.
Dr T said "I'm not saying 'no' to ECT's. I just think you should try this first. If you still want ECT's call me and we'll talk about it.".
Well, I wasn't completely sold on the ECT's in the first place. Chris is the one that really wants me to get them. I guess if the doctor had said "sure lets set them up" I would have done it, but I wasn't about to try to talk him into a treatment that I wasn't sure I wanted. I guess this means i'm not getting them.
So I'm a little relieved, and apprehensive all at once. I was looking at shock treatments as kind of a fall back plan.
Well, the good news is the last 2 days I have been feeling a little better. i've had some moments, but overall the trend has been up.
We decorated our apartment for Christmas today and I must say it looks outstanding! I made candy cane cookies and gingerbread (the cake kind). I love Christmas! i will post some pictures soon.
My therapist asked me if Thanksgiving is hard for me (because of all the food). I don't think it is worse than any other day. I mean, I have to face food every day. Sometimes I have success, and sometimes I turn to ED behaviors. Thanksgiving will be no different. I hope I will do good, and certainly will do my best, but if I end up purging I am not going to beat myself up over it. I'm not going to let that ruin the holiday. I am more excited about being with family and having a nice time.
Hope everybody has a nice Thanksgiving!
Judgement and Regrets
1 month ago