Friday, April 9, 2010

still functioning....!

I am here and still hanging in there. I even made it through the day yesterday with no Xanax. I did have 1.5 mg of ativan, but it was still better than wed, when I had both the Ativan and the Xanax.

Emma is home "sick" today. She had a temp but is acting just fine and goofy. I had a rough start this morning, not wanting to get up. I guess I was just feeling overwhelmed because I had to go to Victoria's Secret to pay my bill, to Walgreens, and also the grocery store, and I have to make coleslaw and a fruit salad to take to the BBQ in Waterloo this evening. Plus I have my doctors appt this afternoon. Well, I didn't want to do any of these things. I just wanted to sit on the couch in my pajamas and play on the computer and drink diet cokes all day long. But I pu one foot in front of the other, showered and dressed (no makeup today), gave the girls their baths, and ran the errands. The girls were so well-behaved. Well, I bribed them with Happy Meals. But they earned it. Now they are playing WII boxing. SO Cute! I still have to make the coleslaw and fruit salad, but I have time.

I guess the point of this post is to give myself some validation. I am doing it. I might feel like I am on the edge (I might be on the edge), but I am keeping it together.

We'll see how the doctor's appointment goes. The desired outcome will be that Dr.S gives me some more Xanax, preferably Xanax XR, and that he supports my wish to do the IOP, and says he'll fax them my info. That would all be great. I'll update if I have time before we go to Waterloo.

Thanks everyone for sticking with me. I still cant believe I wrote about what I wrote about the other day. i am still kind of in shock about it. So, thanks.

11 comments:

lisalisa said...

BTW in my comment on my last post I said I was at the NITC in jan 09, which was a mistake. I was there in jan 00, before I had kids or was married. Just so's ya know.

kristin said...

You sound like such a strong person. Keep getting up and keeping it together.

ps: you inspire me

Jenn said...

I am glad that you are able to give yourself credit for what you ARE doing : )

It would have been so much easier to just "do nothing" and it's the comfortable thing but you DIDN'T and I am super duper proud of you for putting one foot in front of the other and pushing yourself to get out and get stuff done!

Yippeee!!

lisalisa said...

success! Not only did i get Xanax for another week, I got enough for TWO doses a day! Also, the doctor is faxing the info to the IOP program. So I did good.

Sairs said...

You're really doing awesome hun, totally awesome. It is very hard to try and do the things you are doing when you feel so awful. I'm so proud of you, though I'm not saying this should be every day. You will have good days and bad days and they will come and go. Just hang on to the ones you go through and remember when you are sad that they will be there again. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Good luck with your doc, I really hope you get the things that you are after!
*hugs*
Sarah

Keely said...

You have to go to Victoria's Secret to pay your bill? he he he

brie said...

just wanted to say...
i've been reading but with blocked blog access at work, it's harder for me to comment. just wanted you to know i'm sorry for everything that's happened and i think you are the very definition of motherhood. your daughters are lucky to have you. hang in there L.

Sensory Overload said...

Keep your head up and your heart open. You are lovely.

Angela E. Gambrel Lackey said...

I'm glad to see you are doing better. Let us know how IOP works out. I will be going to Renfrew in May for their 30-day Day Treatment program - I hope this works; I'm nervous.

Keep being strong!

now.is.now said...

Yes, Lisa, you ARE doing it... I like the idea of blogging as a way of helping you validate yourself. I should try that.

Good job at the doc!

Sairs said...

Hey hun, you're so welcome to steal my idea at any time. You could come up with some awesome ideas or if you actually want a copy of thees cards I could email them to you if you like. I have the original files so they might be better quality that copying from my blog. If you want to make your own that's cool but the offer is there. My email is sairs@netspace.net.au and the only time I wouldn't be able to check this email is when I'm at work but I can when I get home.
*hugs*
Sarah