....beacause I cant think of anything positive to say. No way to put a happy, peppy spin on the huge pile of crap this day has been. Well, here it is.
Was paralyzed by anxiety almost from the moment I got up, yet determined not to start the day out with a Xanax. Puttered around the house a bit, tried to clean things up and get ready for my day. I had an appointment with Dr Sean this afternoon, and my husband was going to come, and I was looking forward to all of the input. I was thinking it was going to be sort of a "where do we go from here" type of meeting. Oh, btw, my skype with the psychiatrist that was supposed to happen yesterday was cancelled because my insurance wouldnt cover it. SO Sean's still my main man.
One idea I had that I wanted to propose is doing iop at the local hospital. I called and got information about it and it seems pretty doable. Plus I think I have care for annie all arranged, and I would be home by the time Emma got home from school. Its actually only 3 hours 3 days a week, so I wouldnt even be away from annie too long. And if i had therapy on tues and thurs, that would be some form of treatment every day.
SO anyways, I was going to propose all this to the doctor, but his nurse called and told me he had a family emergency and had to leave for the day. UGH. I got rescheduled for tomorrow, but chris cant come too because he has class. And I really wanted chris to be there. Bolth to witness that I am being good with the xanax, and also to be a part of my treatment planning. Damnit.
Well, it is what it is. I did get an appointment with Kim tonight because I feel I am losing it. To get from here to there, I am just going to try to do one thing at a time. Finish this blog.make an early dinner. Do a little housekeeping. Like in the group home, when they told you it was therapy, but it was actually chores. Sweeping the floor, cleaning the toilet. You had to mark it off on a chart that said LBD (learning by doing). Can you believe that crap!? Never again will i be in a place like that. Thats why I am working so hard to keep it together, and reaching out for the help I know I need.
Judgement and Regrets
1 month ago