Wednesday, August 12, 2009

missing the reunion (sigh)

I really, seriously, desprately, so very much wish that I were in Utah right now getting ready for the Center for Change alumni reunion. Alas, I am not. I was going to try to make it, but the timing was just bad, what with the move and everything. I just have too much to do getting settled and getting Emma ready for school. And I didn't want to leave Chris alone in a strange city with the 2 girls while he needs to get ready for school himself.

but I waaaaaanted to go!

As a patient at an eating disorders treatment facility, you gain more than just weight. You gain friends that you will feel connected to for the rest of your life. You share eachothers struggles, feel eachothers pain, rejoice in eachothers successes. No one will ever understand you quite like these women do. And when you leave, you will miss them terribly.

I havent seen some of these people in over 5 years. I don't know when I will have another chance. Believe me, I thought long and hard about my decision not to go.

The fact is, my family needs me now. As much as i want (need) to see my friends, my family comes first. I would expect the same of my husband.

So tommorrow, while my friends are in Utah laughing over "the good old days" and catching up, I will be at Kate Mitchell elementary with Emma for the new student orientation, because that is precisely where I need to be.


Eating Alone said...

I didn't see anything in here about finding anyone new? What happened? I'm not a therapist junkie or anything but if you know your coming into a rough patch it's best to fight it while you can now, cause once it's here it get's a lot harder.

I never had IP treatment, I was threatened once but pulled out of the downward spiral. It can be sad to miss those that you grew so close to, see a perfect thing to talk to a T about.

Ok I'll lay off now. Here's hoping you can at least call them and get on speaker phone with them.

Zena said...

I know its hard..being a parent and all...I missed the renfrew reunion...three times..but I know whta needed to be family had to come first as does yours...I feel your pain and I think only others who have been in your spot can understand the relationships that build but its true when you are a mom with an ED its all the harder to stay connected...I was at remuda last may...june...and I dont even know if they havea reunion cause I went there and that was it never communicated with the girls I had grown a bond with since...well that s not true I had a few email contacts but thats saddens me so to know that these girls that I shared my life with for 45 days with is gone but i am a mom and can not just pick up and leave whenever I want..I mean geez I was lucky to be able to go to tx..and you were too...i know it hurts but think of the positives were there..they and you made an impact on each other and those feelings that you feel when you think of those girls will last a life you have to be at an elementary school tomorow instead of being with those girls...but emma needs you now...those girls had you then...she needs you NOW...know you made the right choice and the saddness will will move will progress and although you miss the girls...YOUR girls need you NOW...I wnat you to know I fully understand what you are feeling but I want you to know there is a big difference between what is wanted and what is will make it through tomorrow and the next day...and you know what those girls will be back to thier lives and so will will be living your life..and after all thats what REcovery YOUR life...not reliving your past (illness) but seeing your future..and if that means being at a elementary school instead of some hopping reunion well then you got to do what you got to do...I really do know how hard it is and I am in no way belittleing your feelings..just want to give you a different perspective...youll make it cause you are a super MOM...and ED surviver...and as EATING ALONE said...have you pulled out that phone bout the new T?? hows the search going...did you start??

I will be thinking of you tomorrow..just know you made the right choice and for that I am proud of you and I am sure your H thanks you...I know I would.

love you, \


lisalisa said...

I have found a therapist- at least made an appointment with one- but wont have much to write about until I actually see her. I had to choose between one who sees mostly bulimics and one who sees mostly anorexics. It was kind of a difficult choice but i went with the "bulimia" one, for reasons that I don't remember now. Actually, I think a large part of it was a scheduling thing.

Z- I totally get what you mean about living my life now, rather than REliving old experiences, and you are totally right. I just didn't know how quite to express it. The truth is I am just trying to be a mom righ tnow and be "normal", and that path leads me to Emma's student orientation and not the CFC reunion. That doesn't mean i love those girls from treatment any less of course (keely, Karolee, hayley!). This is just what I have to do right now.

Eating alone, welcome to my blog! Lately it's been a bit borring. Like I said a few posts ago, fall is when things start to get a little funky for me. Not that recovery is borring. Wait, yes, it is. I must call a spade a spade. Oh, well, life doesn't have to be a drama-filled thrill ride all the time :).

PTC said...

Sorry you won't get to see your buds, but you made the right choice. Enjoy said...

Glad you found a therapist. What an awesome move! I hope she/he works out well!

Sorry you have to miss the reunion - that is a bummer. I hope you're feeling good knowing you made the right decision, though.

Lily said...

I think it's powerful that you are doing what you "need to do" for your daughter, but like "Eating Alone" said- where are the new friends? The new activities?

That being said, I know how difficult it is to slowly see the relationships you've made from being in treatment start decaying. Many of these women have blocked my attempts at communication because I remind them of the reality of their own past struggles. It hurts so badly, but I think in order to move on, you really do have to find new relationships- people who don't just connect with you because you played table games, bitched about how bloated you felt, etc. Reason for this: You ARE more than an ED, and everything surrounding it.