I haven't been in much of a mood to write lately. Things are just kind of grinding along here. Emma is in school now, and Chris started school today. No, I did not get brave enough to corner anyone at church yesterday to make plans. Maybe next week. I DID sign up for the PTA and signed up to help with a spagetti dinner fundraiser in october- maybe I can meet people that way.
I have been having alot of disordered thoughts lately. It seems like I restrict for 2 or 3 days, then have some sort of realization or breakthrough and start eating again for about a week, then the ED thoughts get the better of me and I start restricting again and the whole cycle starts over. SO I'm not really losing any weight, just going up and down, which i know is kind of bad for the old metabolism. I'm fighting really hard to change my thinking and not let myself slip too far. It's just getting so hard to let myself eat. It's lik ei have to think of a REALLY good reason to nourish myself before I can, rather thatn just eating regularly because everyone has the right to eat. I don't know if I'm making any sense. It's just that when I eat it feelis like I'm losing some sort of battle. But i don't even know what the battle is or who it is against.
Well that is about it. My mom is visiting and I don't want to be on the computer too long (trying not to be a rude host). I think maybe later we will go to to Reiman Gardens. It is this really cool garden with a neat butterfly exhibit with hundreds of butterflies.
Have a great day!
5 weeks ago