Tuesday, April 28, 2009

re my last post

k, so there is another reason i'm stalling on seeing a dietician. Please don't moan, groan, and condemn me for my crazy thinking, but here it is: I have an intense fear that the D will think I am too fat to need help. Like, she will look at my weight and say something like "you obviously don't need my help!". Seriously, i would just die. I know this is completely irrational, and wt is not always a determining factor in treatment, but i just put sooo much importance on that number (dont we all). If i had a nickel for every time i heard myself or someone else say "i'm too fat for treatment" Id have, well, a few dozen nickels.
In my personal world, there are only too possible body types for me: Hideously, sickly underweight, or disgustingly fat. There do not seem to be any other possibilities. So, since i am not currently disgustingly thin (even though im not up to target), i must be disgustingly fat. I dont seem to be able to see myself ant other way.
I wanted to write about some other stuff but have run out of time. My sis in law, susie, is on her way to pick me up forr a fun little day trip about wich i am very excited. I will do my best to leave ED at home :)

2 comments:

Kara said...

I could have written this post myself! I relate soooooo much. I think about being too fat to see a dietitian every time I go. I mean, part of me knows it's a ED distorted thought, but it feels sooooo real.

As you know, there is no such thing as being "too fat" to have an ED or too fat to see a dietitian. But I definitely understand the worry. (Although you have NOTHING to worry about, I've seen pictures, I promise.) I hope you can work through this (maybe talk to your T about it?) and start seeing a D. I think seeing one will be really helpful for you.

Lisa said...

I second Kara. Nutritionists and dietitians see all kinds of people. And my theory with therapists, doctors, priests, etc: no matter what crazy thing I say, they've ALWAYS heard something crazier.