k, so there is another reason i'm stalling on seeing a dietician. Please don't moan, groan, and condemn me for my crazy thinking, but here it is: I have an intense fear that the D will think I am too fat to need help. Like, she will look at my weight and say something like "you obviously don't need my help!". Seriously, i would just die. I know this is completely irrational, and wt is not always a determining factor in treatment, but i just put sooo much importance on that number (dont we all). If i had a nickel for every time i heard myself or someone else say "i'm too fat for treatment" Id have, well, a few dozen nickels.
In my personal world, there are only too possible body types for me: Hideously, sickly underweight, or disgustingly fat. There do not seem to be any other possibilities. So, since i am not currently disgustingly thin (even though im not up to target), i must be disgustingly fat. I dont seem to be able to see myself ant other way.
I wanted to write about some other stuff but have run out of time. My sis in law, susie, is on her way to pick me up forr a fun little day trip about wich i am very excited. I will do my best to leave ED at home :)
Judgement and Regrets
1 month ago