I hope everyone had a great easter! Mine was pretty decent. The girls were delighted with their
easter baskets in the morning, and in the afternoon we went to dinner at my aunt and uncle's house. i got to see my aunt N who was in town from oregon. We used to be really close, about the time i escaped from the ABBE, and she was the person who basically got me into treatment at Mirasol back in 2000, and coordinated the funding and just did everything she could to support me. Over the years we have grown apart, and when i joined the LDS church i think she was dissappionted and i think she thinks i dissapprove of her because of my membership in the church (she's a lesbian) but i dont. We just never have had a conversation about it. I got close yesterday, though. I asked if her partner was ever going to come visit cause i would like to meet her. I just wanted her to know that whatever my religous beliefs, i accepted her and the people who were important in her life. Maybe i just should have told her that.
I wrote awhile back about my moom having a reccurrance of melanoma in her lymph nodes, which was removed in january. She has been on interferon (which is what they generally use for melanoma instead of chemo) and it makes her pretty sick. Well, last week she had a scan which showed a new cancer growth in her shoulder which grew thhere just since her last scan in dec! And it's not treatable with radiation so she is seeing a surgeon today to see if it is operable.
I'm glad it's not in an organ or anything, but what if the next one is. i mean, the cancer has metasticised, so it could grow anywhere. I'm worried that she wont be here five years from now. I'm just trying to come to terms with this idea.
I made it *five* days without bingeing or purging, but went crazy on the easter candy this morning and broke my winning streak. Oh well. I'm not going to beat myself up about it, just try to pick right up and keep on going. And i'm still proud of myself for the 5 days, especially yesterday, with the big family dinner and all. I actually ate a "normal" amount of food and didn't purge! Go me!
Thanks for the + comments on my last post; i was really nervous after i wrote it. I worry about sharing stuff like that, and i wonder what people will think of me once it's "out". I feel better now. Maybe i will write more about some of my experiences when i get brave enough. Love you all!
Judgement and Regrets
1 month ago