Friday, April 10, 2009

close encounter of the scale kind

yay- day three no purge! I'm on a roll!

So, i have this NASTY sinus infection, and i finally decided to go to the doctor to get some antibiotics. So i was having major anxiety all morning, cause what happens at the doctors office? YOU GET WEIGHED! And i promised myself not to weigh until monday. Plus, i am doing so well, i do not want to be triggered by whatever my weight might be. Now, i know lots of people get on the scale backwards, but i could never do that. It's just too humiliating for me- makes me feel weird in front of other people passing by. I did consider just flat out (politely) refusing to be weighed. After all, i was just there, like, last month. How much could have changed? Why do they need to know my weight, anyways? I considered thhis and wondered if maybe they need the number so they know what dose they need to give me if they prescribe medications. Then i thought "oh please, i'm not five years old".
So, i was all set to stand my ground (and not stand on the scale) until i got there, and then my nerve began to fail. I am not a very assertive person. While i was waiting for the MA, i decided to just get on the scale and keep my eyes closed and not look at the number. So that is what i did. It was hard, because i REALLY wanted to know, but i felt such a sense of relief and freedom when it was over that it was worth it.
So then, i was sitting in the exam room, and the doctor walks in with my chart, and, after exchanging a few pleasantries, he says "so, your weight has stabalized since december! First _, then _, now it's _!".
BWAAAAAAAHHHHH! NNNOOOOOOOOOO!
I so did not want to know this information! Whyohwhy didn't i tell him the minute he walked in not to mention my weight?
And- it's worse cause its up since i was last there. Just a little, just slightly, but it's up.
Of course, i cant be sure of what i wore last time i was there....
And my appointment today was later in the day.....
......after a 32 oz mug of diet orange....
.....do you think it could have made a difference?

SEE- ITS MESSING WITH ME! This is why i only weigh myself on the same scale! In the morning. Nude. Sorry if thats too graphic for you, but there it is. That way, i know EXACTLY what has or hasnt changed.

I hope someday to have a life where something like getting on the scale at the doctors office is just a neccessary routine, not a life-changing event.

5 comments:

Zena said...

((LISA))

hugs baby

thats why I NEVER go to any other doc other then my ED doc, she always wieghs me backward in a gown...and the same time 2 pm...otherwise i freak out...i freakout anyway but why make it worse you know?

anyway congrats on three days !!!!

thats INCREDIABLE!!!!

you get a gold star in my book..put one in your too okay:)

Love, Z

Lisa said...

Fellow Lisa here - congratulations on the three-day mark. Next thing you know it'll be four, then five, and then on from there.

And grr to insensitive docs. I have an appt with the lady-doctor coming up, and I'm really anxious. I haven't weighed myself in months, and I'm not sure if I want to know.

Kara said...

First of all, I am so PROUD of you for closing your eyes on the scale at the doc's office. That takes a lot - good for you. But then the stupid doc RUINED all your hard work - damn it. I"m so sorry. Scales and weight are such hard things with EDs. It SUUUUUUUUCKS big time, I know. But try to remember that the number is totally arbitrary. Try not to freak about it. I know it's hard.

STUPID NUMBERS!!!! UGH.

Kara said...

PS - I forgot to say CONGRATULATIONS on no purging! You rock, sista!

lisalisa said...

thanks for the support guys! I feel so neurotic sometimes, but at least there are peolple out there who understand me :)