Sunday, January 17, 2010

good news and clarification

I did not purge!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!

Like I told that girl at the group, sometimes recovery is uncomfortable. But I have never regretted not purging.

That said, i need to clarify something. That is, i am not on a purge-free streak anymore, unless you count one day as a streak. I purged Thurs and Fri (not Jasmines lasagna). I just didn't blog about it because I am trying not to see it as a huge failure or make a big deal about "breaking the streak". The truth is, i was pretty dissappointed in myself.

I am trying not to think in black or white. Example: "I had three weeks purge free, but then I purged and ruined everything!". When I think like that , it is easier for the ED voice to say "what the hell, youv'e ruined everything already, why not just purge".

So, my success yesterday was really important to me. I am trying really hard to challenge old beliefs and thought and behavior patterns. i regret eating everything that I did yesterday (but I think that "normal" eaters sometimes regret eating too much), but I for sure do not regret not purging!

And everyone, it was so nice, all the support I got yesterday! Love you all!


Maeve said...

That is fantastic that you managed not to purge!!! It is also wonderful that you are realizing that purging once doesn't mean you are some sort of failure who should purge all the time. Not purging is obviously the ideal, but even when you do purge you are still the same fantastic and strong person as when you don't.

You have so much to be proud of this week :-)

Lisa and Jim said...

Hooray! You are a tough cookie. Hang in there! said...

Way to go, Lisa!

Definitely don't start counting your purge-free days. The pressure just starts to build and, to deal with that pressure, people purge. Each day is a unique day. You do your best today, and then move on to the next. Don't connect the days with each other. It'll only serve to build feelings of failure or feelings of pressure, u know?


Telstaar said...

*hugs* That was really brave to write that up here hunni! Hun, you did have days purge free, you had MEALS purge free and you had a little bit of time purging.... at the end of the day, you had purge free time and it shows you can do it and you ARE doing it :) Wins are still wins even when there are blips and problems elsewhere :)

You're doing this recovery thing even when its hard! I'm impressed :)


I Hate to Weight said...

definetely, one day at a time works best for me. one courageous day purge-free! you go, girl.

for me, the past is the past. what i ate yesterday doesn't count. when i'm hungry -- that's what counts.

i do try to eat mindfully, but that's new.

breathe. you're the best!

Eating Alone said...

You can't look at like "I purged once so I'm a failure." It's good that your seeing that. That black and white thinking get's to most ED sufferers I think. A small failure means that you can never do it. Well that is a lie! To paraphase a rep. sen. "You LIE SIR!!" No one is perfect all the time. We are not built that way. You can be way better than that.

Treat yourself right.

Hey didn't you get a rabbit a while back? I might be confusing you with someone else. But I remeber one blogger with a rabbit.

lisalisa said...

yeah, that is me with the rabbit. His name is "Baby" and he is a little sweetie!

Katilexis said...

Wow, that's so great Lisa :)
I'm glad you're seeing it as not black and white too.
When i stopped purging last year, i had to remember that it was every time I didnt do it that counted. Not the times i DID do it.
And now i'm purge free.
Every success is what counts, and you definitely succeeded!

Take care

Anonymous said...

Lisa, thank you for your reply on my blog... i like what you wrote about building a life... not black and white, recovered or sick, but just finding a path that is right for you. a little voice of hope. Thanks