Chris and I went out last night for our anniversary. We went to this nice local restaraunt thet we had never been to. I decided to get a steak, since it was a special occasion and I didn't want anything even close to what I usually order (no salads or chicken breast please!). The steak was great, but suuuuper fatty! Like, it even had butter melted on top of it. A bit much. I did really well, though. I just kept telling myself it was a special night and I felt oddly relaxed.
Then we went to Borders which was nice. It was nice to just browse and look at books without kids around. I found a book I really wanted but it was kind of expensive. When I got home I found the book on Amazon for much cheaper, and also another book which looked interesting, and ordered them both. I am excited for them to come and will post more bout them later.
Today started ok. I made a nice lunch and my friend came over and ate with us, and then she and I went to Victoria's Secret to do some shopping. I went a little nuts and spent over $100 which is alot for me. But to my credit I did put back alot of things, so it could have been alot worse.
I got home from shopping and Chris and I and the girls went tothe library. I got a bazillion books and magazines. Then we went to the grocery store and then home.
This is where things started to go downhill. I don't know if it was all the shopping, or maybe the library, or what, but for the last 2 hours I have been getting progressivly more anxious and depressed. It happens this way alot. Even things that are seemingly good, like finding a bunch of good books at the library, or finding good deals, can trigger a "mental shutdown". The only way I can describe it is that it is too much stimulus. Even good stimulus can do me in if there is too much of it. I really can only handle one or two daily activities. Even all the good books I got at the library- its too many choices. Too much. i can't deal.
I have been at the half dose of Seroquel the last week and maybe this has something to do with it. Still, I want to reduce the number of medications so I will press on with that goal.
I still have not purged, I think since the 30th or so. So that is going well. Struggling a bit with restricting though. Oh well, you gain some you lose some (dumb ED joke).
Oh, and it has officially been a year since my last psych hospitalisation, which is some kind of record for me. More on that later.
Judgement and Regrets
1 week ago