Saturday, January 9, 2010

ups and downs

Chris and I went out last night for our anniversary. We went to this nice local restaraunt thet we had never been to. I decided to get a steak, since it was a special occasion and I didn't want anything even close to what I usually order (no salads or chicken breast please!). The steak was great, but suuuuper fatty! Like, it even had butter melted on top of it. A bit much. I did really well, though. I just kept telling myself it was a special night and I felt oddly relaxed.

Then we went to Borders which was nice. It was nice to just browse and look at books without kids around. I found a book I really wanted but it was kind of expensive. When I got home I found the book on Amazon for much cheaper, and also another book which looked interesting, and ordered them both. I am excited for them to come and will post more bout them later.

Today started ok. I made a nice lunch and my friend came over and ate with us, and then she and I went to Victoria's Secret to do some shopping. I went a little nuts and spent over $100 which is alot for me. But to my credit I did put back alot of things, so it could have been alot worse.

I got home from shopping and Chris and I and the girls went tothe library. I got a bazillion books and magazines. Then we went to the grocery store and then home.

This is where things started to go downhill. I don't know if it was all the shopping, or maybe the library, or what, but for the last 2 hours I have been getting progressivly more anxious and depressed. It happens this way alot. Even things that are seemingly good, like finding a bunch of good books at the library, or finding good deals, can trigger a "mental shutdown". The only way I can describe it is that it is too much stimulus. Even good stimulus can do me in if there is too much of it. I really can only handle one or two daily activities. Even all the good books I got at the library- its too many choices. Too much. i can't deal.

I have been at the half dose of Seroquel the last week and maybe this has something to do with it. Still, I want to reduce the number of medications so I will press on with that goal.

I still have not purged, I think since the 30th or so. So that is going well. Struggling a bit with restricting though. Oh well, you gain some you lose some (dumb ED joke).

Oh, and it has officially been a year since my last psych hospitalisation, which is some kind of record for me. More on that later.


Angela said...

Congrats on the year! It will be a year for me next month. Maybe I should celebrate with extra Xanax (bad joke).

I was wondering if I could ask you to add my blog to your list? It's at

(I hope you don't mind that I added yours to my list :))

justfortoday said...

Congratulations on your 1 year!
I just read your 1st and second blogs you ever wrote. So well done on everything. Iv recently started a blog aswell. your questions in your first blogs were who should I let read this and what kind of things should i divulge.. I am thinking all of these things aswel!! i really relate to your 2nd blog you ever wrote!

Alexandra Rising said...

High five on the no purging!
And hurray for 1 year!
Hang in there, lady.
Here's a smile: :D

I Hate to Weight said...

i have the great potential to get anxious over anything. happiness overwhelms me. i had a wonderful, exciting day the other day, and then got to revved up, i had couldn't speak and had to lie down and proceeded to start freaking out. i did talk that anxiety again, and it does help me.

we are blessed with such fine tuned emotional abilities. damn.

i always tell myself during an anxiety attack, "this too shall pass". hope you're in relaxed state as you read this.

great accomplishments. none of this is easy, lisa.