Lately, when i think about my recovery, i'm not thinking of whether or not I am at a healthy weight or how many times a day I purge or stuff like that. I'm thinking more in terms of how "prepared" I am. Like, for a catastrophie, or the end of the world or something. Could i withstand an extreme physical and emotional test, am i in a good position to live through whatever happens in the future of this crazy world? Not only that, but would I be strong enough to help my children survive?
Example: Say there is some catastrophic event in our city and we have to evacuate and for whatever reason, we have to do it on foot. How far could i walk? I know that if I were at a lower weight (like i sometimes want to be) I would be in a weakened state and probably couldn't walk very far, let alone carry my children when they got tired. I think that in the condition I am in at the moment I would do ok, but probably couldn't carry a child far. To have the best possible chance, I should probably allow myself a small weight gain and work out with the focus on building muscle.
Also, with the whole swine flu pandemic going on, I have wondered if my ed puts me in a higher risk category. My D said that she would group me in with the elderly and infants, you know, those who most likely to die from a flu. I would hate to die from a flu just because I wasn't taking good enough care of myself to be able to survive it. It would be so needless.
And what if there was some kind of a food shortage and food was rationed? I would live a lot longer and have more strength if I had a little more "padding" to begin with. I mean, it would be bad going into a situation like that if you were already underweight.
Ok, so lately i have seen 2 holocoust movies, and also Terminator. But I watch the news, too, and things are getting kind of bad. Not just the economy, but all the unrest in Iran, not to mention North Korea getting all nuclear and stuff. I'm not trying to be weird and paranoid or anything, I have just been thinking am I ready if things "get bad"? Am I placing myself in a position to be able to survive? Cause I bet in a survival situation I am not going to give a crap what size I wear, and I wont care if muscles look "bulky", I will just be glad I have them.
I know this is kind of a strange post. Most of the thoughts are stemming from "mommy fears". My children depend on me (and chris) for care and protection. I want to always be able to provide that. I want to be strong and capable in times of need. i think about what other parents in different parts of the world have had to do to survive and I think "could i do that?". We are so soft here in America. For the most part, there is no struggle to live, and we are free to think and care about non-essenttial things, like having a flat stomache. We think of our legs in terms of how they would look in a miniskirt rather than if they could outrun an attacker. What would happen if our reality suddenly, dramaticaly shifted? Has our lifestyle prepared us for the rigors of a survival situation?
I need to switch to romantic comedies, I think.
Judgement and Regrets
1 week ago