Let's say you are putting away the dry dishes in your kitchen and you drop a fork. Would you
a. pick up the fork
b. SWEAR LOUDLY, KICK A CABINET, PUNCH THE FRIDGE
If you were me lately the answer would, sadly, be "b". I don't know what the deal is, but lately, this really intense anger, rage almost, has taken hold. I walk around feeling like i am about to blow. Constantly. It feels so out of control, so unlike me. Everything my husband says pisses me off and gets on my nerves. Dealing with the kids without losing it is sooo hard. It kind of feels like I have pms times 1000, and its not even that time of the month. I feel waaay overstimulated, with emotions and sensations coming at me all at once, and i get frustrated and want to scream or curl up in a ball and hide.
This happened a few weeks ago, lasted a couple of days, went away, and now it's happening again. I'm not sure what is going on, but i made an appointment with my psychiatrist for tommorrow, because it feels like something chemical is out of whack. Because nothing bad is happening in my life to make me feel this way. I just hope he doesn't want to add any medication, i already take 5 of them, but maybe something needs to be tweaked, like my seroquel could be increased or something. I had to treat myself to a little extra seroquel this morning just to get the rage under control so i could function and not kill anybody.
I feel so ashamed about this. I hate being an angry person. I especially hate being an angry mommy! I don't want to be a mommy who loses her patience and yells or is snappy. I only want to be kind and fun and loving! I am praying that the psychiatrist has some answers for me.
As I was driving in my car this morning thinking about all this stuff, "the Bitch is Back" by Elton John came on the radio. Oh the irony.
after doing some research on the internet, i found this site http://www.adrugrecall.com/seroquel/anger.html, and also some information about how Topamax can cause uncontrollable rage and anger. Great. I depend on these medications to keep me sane. i feel so hopeless right now, like crying. I hope my doc can shed some light on this tommorrow.
Judgement and Regrets
1 week ago