Wednesday, June 3, 2009

furious quiz:

Let's say you are putting away the dry dishes in your kitchen and you drop a fork. Would you

a. pick up the fork



If you were me lately the answer would, sadly, be "b". I don't know what the deal is, but lately, this really intense anger, rage almost, has taken hold. I walk around feeling like i am about to blow. Constantly. It feels so out of control, so unlike me. Everything my husband says pisses me off and gets on my nerves. Dealing with the kids without losing it is sooo hard. It kind of feels like I have pms times 1000, and its not even that time of the month. I feel waaay overstimulated, with emotions and sensations coming at me all at once, and i get frustrated and want to scream or curl up in a ball and hide.

This happened a few weeks ago, lasted a couple of days, went away, and now it's happening again. I'm not sure what is going on, but i made an appointment with my psychiatrist for tommorrow, because it feels like something chemical is out of whack. Because nothing bad is happening in my life to make me feel this way. I just hope he doesn't want to add any medication, i already take 5 of them, but maybe something needs to be tweaked, like my seroquel could be increased or something. I had to treat myself to a little extra seroquel this morning just to get the rage under control so i could function and not kill anybody.
I feel so ashamed about this. I hate being an angry person. I especially hate being an angry mommy! I don't want to be a mommy who loses her patience and yells or is snappy. I only want to be kind and fun and loving! I am praying that the psychiatrist has some answers for me.
As I was driving in my car this morning thinking about all this stuff, "the Bitch is Back" by Elton John came on the radio. Oh the irony.

after doing some research on the internet, i found this site, and also some information about how Topamax can cause uncontrollable rage and anger. Great. I depend on these medications to keep me sane. i feel so hopeless right now, like crying. I hope my doc can shed some light on this tommorrow.


Keely said...

That really sucks. Everyone has different side effects to meds, and I think it's a good idea to meet with you're doctor. Not to sound totally lame, but when I feel that way it helps to go for a walk. I just need to leave for a bit and recharge and come back to it later (homework, a fight with Kirsi, etc.) If I haven't eaten in a while, i get really, really angry and easily loose my temper. Poor kirsi having to deal with me at the peak of ED... Is a snack in order?

Lisa said...

Aieee, it must be so scary to feel that way. I agree with Keely, going for walks helps, but sometimes when you're in a tight spot it's just not an option. The old-fashioned "count to ten" has actually helped me keep a civil tongue in my head on a few occasions.

Hope your doc can help you out.