Ok, so i went to the Y today to work out and I decided to weigh myself since i hadn't in awhile. I was suprised to find that i had gained signifigant weight. Suprised, because I hadn't expected it, and usually I know before I get on the scale if i have gained cause i feel "fat". But not this time. Actually, my body image is pretty good right now. It totally doesn't mesh with the number on the scale.
What does this all mean? i have found myself in strange new territory. In order to make sense of it all, i will examine the facts.
1. I have gained weight and am several pounds above my range of what i consider "acceptable".
2. I do not feel fat. I do, in fact, feel quite fit.
3. I have been able to eat regular meals with my family for the past several weeks.
4. I have been allowing myself "treats" without purging.
5. I can work out without feeling overly fatigued and weak.
6. I am not having to use boost (unless i want it for breakfast).
7. I don't fell constantly hungry.
8. I am starting to see muscle definition in my body.
9. I have had a decrease in urges to binge.
I admit, the number on the scale is bothering me right now. but seen in light of the aforementioned facts, it seems like a small concern. This is progress. This is definately progress. Is it recovery? I'm not sure, but I do know one thing. I'm not going to sabatoge it with any knee-jerk reactions (ie restricting and weight loss). For once, i feel like i am moving in the right direction.
fact #1o: I am filled with hope.
Judgement and Regrets
6 days ago