Monday, July 27, 2009


aarrgh I am so stressed out.... the move is really starting to get to me....all around me are boxes and boxes and messes and things that need doing...i spent all morning on the phone with credit card companies going through those stupid never ending phone menues just to change my address....i cant handle the chaos...i also suck at dealing with change...

also- the sh*t is hitting the fan with Emmas dad, or it is about to....she said he's asking her if she wants to live with HIM and see ME on the weekends....I don't know what he's planning....he got her a CELLPHONE this weekend; she's 8 YEARS OLD, come on!!....But he said she needs it because his new girlfriend doesn't want me calling him, like EVER, so now he wants Emma to be the one to call him and arrange the visits and stuff. Well excuse me that is just BS! She is only a child, thats not her job, that is our job, we are the parents! No way am I going to put her in that position! His girlfriend is just going to have to accept that we have a child together and are going to have to talk about matters relating to her care and upbringing, that is just a fact of life. And I'm thinking "great this woman hates me (she doesn't even know me), she is going to be undermining me every step of the way, letting Emma do things that I have said no to, buying her things that I can't afford just to win her over, great.:(:(:(:(

Sorry guys I am complaining so much, it just seems like everything is falling apart. I had so much anxiety today that I had to call chris at work and he had to come home early....I feel so worthless and like such a loser...not only am i unable to work, but today chris was unable to work because of me... maybe i should just give up on my life and go live in a group home...


Cammy said...

I am with you on the moving anxiety! We can go through that part together at least. There is so much to do, but at least the period of stress is short, soon you'll be in your new place getting settled in, and the hassle will be behind you.

Sounds like Emma's dad's girlfriend is very immature and insecure, I'm sorry she's acting in a way that puts Emma in the middle like that. You're 100% justified in not tolerating her trying to leave you out of the loop, she's going to have to learn that she is not always the priority. Don't apologize for "complaining" about this, it's an important issue and venting can be healthy!

Hang in there, best of luck with your move and everything else, you'll be in my thoughts! said...

I'm really tired and my eyes are half closed so this comment might not make sense.

You are completely right on the parenting/Emma front. How awful that he or his girlfriend is trying to avoid you and him talking and putting Emma in that position. You shouldn't have to find out bout his idea to have Emma live with him during the weeks through Emma! I hope you're able to realize that YOU are the ONLY rational person in this situation. Stand your ground.

Moving is so, so, so anxiety-producing. Ugh, I know. You can only do one thing in any given moment.

I hope that tomorrow you feel more internally peaceful and are able to keep your mind off the neverending todo list and on the task at hand. said...

Hi, Lisa -

Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you.

Take care of yourself. Eat. Call Chris/others. Get out and take a walk if you need to. Put a movie on and have the girls watch it if you need some time. Write. Take a shower. Make a list. Whatever it is that you need.

Just one thing in one corner of one room at a time. There's a lot to do but you can still get it all done AND take little breaks throughout the day.

Anxiety sucks. I don't mean to belittle the suckiness of anxiety by saying that it's "just a feeling," but that's what it is. And it makes you feel physically awful.... but it'll pass (even if it takes a long time). What else do you know about anxiety that will make it easier to deal with? (not trying to lecture or sound condescending - trying to be helpful)

Positive self-talk today, kay?


lisalisa said...

hmm, laura, what else do I know about anxiety....?
In a word, Xanax.