Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Oh my I am so stressed out right now! Just got back from Annie's "poke test" at the allergists' and she IS allergic to cats. Like, severely allergic! And this is not good because the apartment we are moving into, that we gave a non-refundable deposit for, has *2* cats living in it right now. The allergist said that even once the cats were out and the carpet is cleaned it will be 4-6 months before the apartment is clear of allergens and dander. What are we going to do? We don't have money for a deposit on a new place, IF we had time to find a new place, which we dont. Ames is nearly 2 hours away, so it's not like we can just go apartment hunting after chris gets of work. And like I said, we don't really haave the money to just lose on that deposit. I called the new landlords and asked if they hadd any units open that didn't have cats in them and they don't. And no, he nicely told me that we couldn't have the deposit back which I kind of expected.
AAAARRRRGGGHHH! Moving is stressful enough! What the crap are we supposed to do?

I was not having a good day already. The stress and anxiety and deppression was there with me when I woke up this morning. It's like being under a black cloud that WON'T GO AWAY! I did make a real effort again and got us out of the house earlier but right now the girls are just plugged into the tv and I am waiting for the seroquel that i chipped off to start working so I can just stop freaking and that is about all I can manage for the moment. Good thing i got the enchilladas we are having for dinner made up earlier so all I have to do now is pop them in the oven.

I feel sososososo fat and uncomfortable in my skin! I haven't purged at all today but was planning to restrict , but then i told myself that no, an apple does not equal lunch and i added a protein bar to it. But that was before Annie's doctor appointment and now i don't want to eat dinner. I don't even want to sit down to the dinner table! I just want to take some more medicine and go to bed and wake up thin!

I was supposed to see my psychiatrist tonight and really needed to talk to him about how my meds don't seem to be working but um he called in sick. Well I did get the appointment rescheduled for tommorrow so I guess it's not a big deal, more of an annoyance really.

I wish I could have a xanax or two. I know I would use them correctly! Actually thats probably not true.



PTC said...

Lisa, I hope everything works out. Has Annie ever been around cats?? If so, living in the apartment may not be that bad. I don't know, trying to think positively.

Remember, restricting won't solve any problems.

now.is.now said...


It all sounds very stressful. How dumb and mean that he won't give you your deposit back! Karma will come back to bite him. It will.

Sounds like this is one of those very stressful times. Sometimes it's helpful for me to try to remember my priorities at times like these. Priorities being regular, healthy meals, sleep, some exercise, and talking to people about what's on my mind. But these priorities come before obligations (mostly teaching related for me). Whatever your priorities are, remember that they are your non-negotiables and even on stressful days it is totally normal to continue to feed yourself adequately, get sleep, arrange for some alone time, not aim to be super mom, arrange for some adult connection.

Do whatever it is that will make you feel better now. (that is healthy of course). Making calls? Making a list? Asking the dr. about Annie's allergies and the new apt? Watching a movie with the girls?

Sometimes what makes me feel better is a break. Other times it's being productive towards figuring out a problem. It depends.

Everything will work out you just don't know how yet.

How did the rest of the day turn out?

Thinking of you!

Zena said...

OkaY I have to say that landlord is a huge ass prick and I would nt want live in any of his cat infested apartments anyway, I mean any guy who would be willing to put a little girl at risk for having some kind of violent allergic reaction is a sleez ball in my book and like N.I.N said KARMA will come to bite him in the ass...just like he deserves!!

As for problem solveing...hmmmm first you need to sit down and breath and I really hope this morning is finding you in a more Zen place then last night, dont worry I do would be flipping out!! okay I really have no idea on the way to solve this but I just wanted to pont out a FACT. YOU are a great mom. Look how you are freaking out and being ubber protective of your little one, why are you doing that you ask well silly goose its cause you love the little darling and would do anything to protect her. So when those doubts come creeping in...Remember your a super momma, who loves her baby more then life...everything will work out, just trust me ...breath in...and breath out...just remember to breath!!!

Love, Z