Oh my I am so stressed out right now! Just got back from Annie's "poke test" at the allergists' and she IS allergic to cats. Like, severely allergic! And this is not good because the apartment we are moving into, that we gave a non-refundable deposit for, has *2* cats living in it right now. The allergist said that even once the cats were out and the carpet is cleaned it will be 4-6 months before the apartment is clear of allergens and dander. What are we going to do? We don't have money for a deposit on a new place, IF we had time to find a new place, which we dont. Ames is nearly 2 hours away, so it's not like we can just go apartment hunting after chris gets of work. And like I said, we don't really haave the money to just lose on that deposit. I called the new landlords and asked if they hadd any units open that didn't have cats in them and they don't. And no, he nicely told me that we couldn't have the deposit back which I kind of expected.
AAAARRRRGGGHHH! Moving is stressful enough! What the crap are we supposed to do?
I was not having a good day already. The stress and anxiety and deppression was there with me when I woke up this morning. It's like being under a black cloud that WON'T GO AWAY! I did make a real effort again and got us out of the house earlier but right now the girls are just plugged into the tv and I am waiting for the seroquel that i chipped off to start working so I can just stop freaking and that is about all I can manage for the moment. Good thing i got the enchilladas we are having for dinner made up earlier so all I have to do now is pop them in the oven.
I feel sososososo fat and uncomfortable in my skin! I haven't purged at all today but was planning to restrict , but then i told myself that no, an apple does not equal lunch and i added a protein bar to it. But that was before Annie's doctor appointment and now i don't want to eat dinner. I don't even want to sit down to the dinner table! I just want to take some more medicine and go to bed and wake up thin!
I was supposed to see my psychiatrist tonight and really needed to talk to him about how my meds don't seem to be working but um he called in sick. Well I did get the appointment rescheduled for tommorrow so I guess it's not a big deal, more of an annoyance really.
I wish I could have a xanax or two. I know I would use them correctly! Actually thats probably not true.
Judgement and Regrets
1 week ago