Monday, July 13, 2009


I am Fat. I am deppressed. I stayed in the shower for an obscenely long time this morning because I didn't want this day to start. I am filled with anxiety. I binged and purged this morning. I really hate myself right now. I want to lose weight. I want to feel better.



Zena said...

Dont beat yourself!!!(((HUGS))) thsi things happen. It was just a slip, a Blip if you will in the grand scheme of Recovery. YOU DONT WANT TO LOSE WIEGHT!!! what would happen if there was a world war 3?? :) You wouldnt want to be teh first to perish would you? Get back on track the day has just begun, what can you do to sooth yourself today? Do you need a time out from the kiddies? Could your MIL watch them for a few hours? I think taking a long hot shower was a good idea its a way to self sooth, you will be okay, I promise you that, you are good and you deserve to be healthy, just think about how well you have been doing, you didnt lose it all, it was just a BLIP. These things happen, just pick yourself up and get back on track...but remember losing wieght is a NON OPTION. And remember I am here to cheer you on!!!!

Love, Z

Kara said...

Oh Lisa, I don't know what to say because I'm practically in the same boat. :( ED can make things so unbearable. Hang in there...

Anonymous said...

so sorry you are struggling ... i completely get it.
when i feel like that the best action i have found, for me, is to pick up the phone and call a trusted friend ... just for some perspective. i have some people in y life who are really great at talking me down. doesn't make me actually feel any better about my body, but the insane anxiety at least dissipates a little.
also - sometimes helps me to focus on my breathing, or write a gratitude list ... or even just break down and cry.
none of it is really anything i want to do in the moment, but i always feel a little better afterwards.

you deserve to be healthy, your mind is lying to you, and you can pick yourself back up and start this day over ...

chin up
you are okay

PTC said...

I want you to feel better too, Lisa. I wish you could get out of this horrible cycle.