Thursday, July 2, 2009

weight blah blah blah

I went raspberry picking today, by myself, along this bike trail. It was pretty nice, the weather was beautiful. Everything was perfect except maybe for the fact that someone had been there before me and picked almost all the ripe berries! Oh, well, I did get some. Not enough for a pie, though, so I think I will just freeze them intil I figure out what to do with them.

Emma is coming home on sunday! Actually she is getting into town on saturday but it will be late, so I wont pick her up until sunday. I tried to find a "welcome home" sign at the party store, but they didn't have any, so I got some poster board and I'm going to make one myself. Probably Annie will help out. I am so excited to see my Emma! Heck, Im just excited for her to be back in our hemisphere! And now our summer can really begin!

I saw my D today, and made my next appointment for 2 weeks from now. It will be my last appointment. I'm not sure if I will find a new D when I move. I guess it will depend on how I am doing. Ok, so we weighed me and I am up a pound and a half since last week. I know that is not much but I am kind of worried about it. I mean, what if I just keep gaining? I talked to Mary (the D) about thhis and she said that even though I am still on the low end of normal BMI wise, it wouldn't hurt to pick a "danger weight", or a weight which i feel is to high and maybe then start a food journal and look at cutting back (if i hit the danger weight). Well, I told her that my danger weight was 5 pounds ago and she just laughed. But that's really how I feel. I couldn't imagine gaining more weight.
It's hard for me to get to a stable, appropriate intake. I have lots of experience restricting, and lots of experience eating to gain weight, but it is hard for me to gauge what I might need to just maintain. To help me out, Mary gave me some sample menus for cetain calorie ranges. I was thrilled to see that diet soda was an option for evey lunch and dinner! I think that was because the menus are mostly for diabetics, though.

I'm feeling really tempted to restrict and lose weight. I'm kind of getting through it by "putting it off". When I really start to think about restricting I tell myself I won't for one more day, and if I still want to restrict tommorrow I can. But I tell myself the same thing tomorrow, too. So that way, I never end up restricting, but still feel like it's an option, which is comforting to me somehow.

Oh, well that's about it for now.


PTC said...

You will not keep gaining weight. I know the fear is completely legit and real, but you won't keep gaining weight!!

Kara said...

I totally do that too!!! Put things off until tomorrow - it really works! said...

Hey there! I'm thinking a few things:

1. YAY FOR EMMA COMING BACK!!!!!! She will LOOOVEEE your poster! She'll remember it forever! You're such a wonderful mom.

2. What a neat idea to go raspberry picking.

3. I think it's kind of weird that your dietitian told you that it'd be okay to pick a "danger weight." Just the word "danger weight" is strange to me. It made it seem like she's giving you permission to start restricting after you get to that weight (if you were to get to that weight). I don't know, I just think it was a weird thing for her to suggest doing. If you do pick such a weight, please make sure it actually is a "danger weight" and not just a "potentially normal weight." And, if you do one day get to that weight, do not plan on responding by immediately restricting. Just the whole concept of your dietitian talking to you about a danger weight did not sit well with me!

4. About the gaining - you won't just keep gaining forever. Focus on your behaviors. Focus on eating normal, healthy meals with some play/snack/treat food too with your family. Your weight will stabilize itself out if you keep on this path consistently (this is what I'm working on too). If you don't stay consistent though - and if you mess with your food patterns because you're putting your emphasis on weight instead of behaviors - then your weight might not stabilize out as naturally and quickly. So, keep focused on behaviors and then let your weight do what it does. It will not gain uncontrollably. I suppose it's possible that you gain some and then lose a little and then arrive at your ideal weight range. However, I think it's really important to know that so many people have come before us and have put their focus on healthy behaviors - and they are not all walking htis earth obese. They are walking this earth at normal, healthy weights. Even though the fear is so so real (I feel it too), keep plugging along. Do what you know is rational and right.

You can do this!

Oh, and thanks for noticing the positive changes in my blog from when you first started reading. That comment made me feel proud :) said...

I forgot a 5th one...

5. I think you should get a dietitian who specializes in eating disorders when you move.

Ending the Deception said...

Raspberries are the best=)

I can understand your worries with weight/weight management. It's a much different mind set in just maintaining a weight, where as all you want to do is think of ways to loose and not gain. I'm not impressed she laughed at what you said, that was really insensitive :(

My big red flag in slipping in recovery, is "I'll start tomorrow", that just gets the ball rolling for me to spirial out of control in either direction (binging or restricting)

Hang in there, and think about the good things! Like Emma coming home =), and what you plan to do with her. Enjoy your fourth of July!